Today’s Drifting Thoughts: The Limit?

A short panic drive today, felt defeated at work today. Well… for the past few months I’m starting to see my own shortcomings in my technical skills and knowledge as well as on how to handle situations and emergencies. It’d probably be easier for me to handle if I were to stop at “I’m lacking experience”, but somehow I’m not really satisfied with myself.

I’m not entirely sure whether is it that I’m lacking focus, determination, intelligence and enthusiasm, or that I felt worn out throughout the year. Or probably it’s just my unrealistic expectation that everything should be smooth sailing and that I’m a perfect person who can just handle everything.

What am I really comparing against? Somehow I’m not really sure of the answer, seems like it’s more of an unconscious habit rather than something that I knew. Probably against my whole surrounding? Or more likely to be my own Utopian imaginations.

To be really honest, after all these years of searching, I can’t seem to really find a real strength of mine ^^||. And sometimes I’m surprised how long I did hold on and survived in this world, despite a lot of my shortcomings. But really, I did wished that I knew how to fly to higher planes (in a metaphorical sense).

…Probably that only means that the first thing is to learn how to spread my wings and having courage? It’s not an easy journey indeed, but I’m still working on it.