March 2004 — First Taste of Clingin’ On

“As much as I tell myself that I have to let it go, I didn’t… I was living a dream… but I hate to admit it…” — March 2, 2004

Main Event

• Depression period starts
• For the first time I ever I owned Japanese Yen~ (but sent to Dom to get some CDs during her Japan trip later :p)
• MYPPF -The Animation- is in work in progress, and close to finishing it
• Got canned soup for the first time and currently enjoy to have them once in a while 😊
• Sent my loan application… ON TIME 😄

Comments

It’s about two months ever since Bean left, but having him to be my first crush, obviously it’s really hard for me to let go. Every time when I tried …

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Finally I get round to read my close to 500 LJ entries to reflect back what happened in 2004, so that I can have a summarized account of my own life in 2004. So here it goes 😊 (I think I’ll split it into 12 parts this time, since I can’t possibly squee a few thousand words in on one entry):

January — The Beginning

“It’s always a beginning of everything, and this marks a special one because it’s the first time I ever started a journal in the first place :). ” — January 6, 2004

Main Events

• Started my LJ
• Ahmed being my first online friend over in PPStage and LJ <=D hugz! And still being the best online friend I ever had now
• Bean moving out from my house
• MYPPF being established as …

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My Story by ayumi hamasaki - Part II

A New Chapter?: Greatful days

“短い夏が終わりを告げる その瞬間も君と迎えよう なんで事ない毎日こそが 何よりも素敵だった知ってるから”

“Mijikai natsu ga owari o tsugeru Sono shunkan mo kimi to mukae you Nan de koto nai mainichi koso ga Nani yori mo suteki datta shitteru kara”

“The short summer is announcing its end I’m willing to welcome this moment with you Because I know all the small, typical things everyday Is much more precious than anything else”

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And so we have now come to the last day of the year, which pretty much serves as a good end for a new year :3. So I would really want to wrap my story with the things that happened today, and my future outlook :). (Hence it’s not a drifting thoughts post anymore :p)

Let’s see…. Actually 2004 …

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My Story by ayumi hamasaki - Part II

[Note: basically it’s a summary of events which I feel was really relevant and I try to keep as much detail preserved as possible without getting myself into typing a 200 page novel. All names are, in most cases, real, since I really don’t feel like hiding them. But I also try to preserve as much anonymity as possible, with respect to those people.

The main reason why I use real names is that… there’s just a lot of words that I wished them to hear but I’m just too afraid to tell them… and I believe through writing is the only way that I’m able to express it out. I don’t know whether all the people which get highlighted in the …

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Originally posted in my university’s forum, but the answers took me quite some time to craft, so I decided to post it here :):

This thread is started by my friend, Steven, BTW:

当女人问你这三个问题时你会怎么回答

1. 你爱我什么？
2. 在什么样情况下你就会不爱我？
3. 假如我与别的男人发生了有性无爱的一夜情 你会怎么做？

My Reply:

哇！真的是很刁难人叻！

我的答案会是如此：

1. 我不能告诉你我爱你“什么”，因为三言两语是不能表达我爱你的一切。若是要我说最珍惜“什么”，我爱你的“ 存在”…
2. 我也不能告诉你“什么情况”下我“不爱”你，因为付出的爱是永远收不回来的。若是要我说“什么情况”下我“ 不能爱你那么多”，就是在我们最不能互相信任的那时刻…
3. …假设性问题我最不敢回答，因为情况天天与众不同。

但若你曾经有过有性无爱的一夜情，若你不在乎，我也不会追究。因为我相信你那时也不想伤害任何 人。

但若你现在有着有性无爱的一夜情…我会觉得很失败…因为我给不到你那一份交和的满足感。

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Translation:

If A Woman¹ Ask You These 3 Questions, How Would You Answer?

1. What do you love about me?
2. In what situation that you’ll not love me?
3. If I were to have a no-strings-attached-one-night-stand (i.e. Only sexual relationship with no love attached to it), what will you do?

My Reply:

Oh GOD! These questions are TOUGH!

My answers would be as …

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Originally this should be a drifting thought post, however all of a sudden while I’m typing it through… the feelings seems to slip away from me. Maybe my own questions are answered? Shrugs I would never know…

[:: Retained Drifting Thoughts: Opening ::]

A constant sky blue thought has been in me… for the past few days… Clouds have been passing through this sky blue atmosphere in my heart, and curious I was to know what’s behind them, I have been constantly looking at them with patience, looking through every single detail of the clouds while I’m hoping that the sky will clear up.

And on the brief moment today that all of a sudden that… there’s no more clouds, just a clear view of the sky blue of my own feelings… Somewhat …

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Hmm… Another entry…

Anyway, been to Sunway Piramid alone just now: which is an activity that I always engage in… Sometimes I just prefer to stroll around alone, so that I can bring my mind, heart and soul for a stroll as well without the need to giving attention to others: pure undivided attention onto myself.

I am thinking of buying Koda Kumi’s 1000 Words single (which I used to saw one copy there months ago)…. However I can’t find it ;___;. Originally I was thinking of not buying anything, but suddenly one of the CDs in the budget corner caught my eye: dream’s eternal dream CD. Honestly, I personally didn’t like dream that much (well… at least I don’t really like their SEB remix album), but it just seem …

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Originally posted as a comment in Ahmed journal, but it kinda clicked with me so I posted up here as well ^^.

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And yeah, now that you mentioned it, I seem to notice that I use “often more than not” a lot. XDDD (or, the one I’m more comfortable with: “more often than not”) But I see that as a change in myself, because looking back, my catch phrase is “maybe”. 😛 Guess I’m growing up somewhat :).

Coming back that “often more than not”, the reason why I like to use it is perhaps it’s part of my nature that I don’t see things in black and white, I always leave that shade of gray there (as much people would say that I’m indecisive or not holding strong with my own principles …

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So… I got some new CDs: hitomi’s thermo plastic & Final Fantasy X-2’s OST :). I break one rule though: Because my principle is that I don’t listen to any game music that I have never played before. But… since it’s hard for me to find game music CDs anyway (stupid Digicube for not exporting game music ;___;, and I SWEAR that I’m not going to buy another bootleg anymore), and so I bought it :3.

Anyway, I haven’t listened to them both yet XDDD. Well… at least not the whole CD :p. Hitomi’s style seems to remind me of the main vocalist in globe (forget the name), but first impression wise… well… I still need some time listening this CD a few more times. But… I really love Koda …

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For some reasons… I just felt that something is going to happen yesterday… And so it did.

Yesterday has been an important day for me… well… honestly technically it shouldn’t be yesterday, but days before. But that doesn’t really matter anyway.

… All I can say, Erika have changed a lot during the past week. And it’s not the normal “a lot”, but a drastic “a lot”. It’s like… a total difference from her persona in school, I would say it’s the stronger side of her: confident, assertive, clear minded and… well, strong. And the coolest thing is that, she acquired a British accent! OMG! That’s freaking cool, I wished I had that! 😄 Well… but then again that would translate to the fact that most of my close friends would …

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