#1:

Somehow these days are still a lot of thesis work… well… seeing that the due date is coming around the corner. I’m getting a bit worried with my work as I do it, I wonder whether was that perfectionism, or am I really worried? Because knowing my personality, I just have that gung-ho attitude which seems to get a lot of excitement for getting things done during the very last minute (and I DO mean that get the most of the work done at the VERY last minute). And I believe I just came to a point like I’m wearing myself out because of that.

Honestly speaking, if I were to manage myself better, most probably I should have finish my work extremely early so that I don’t have to worry …

I guess this is not the first time I feel all down and lonely again for no real reason. I don’t know, sometimes I just feel that… well, it’s like I’ve going back to square one. Hmm… or should I put it like, I feel exactly the same way like what I did during my depression period a year ago… or am I? I don’t know, it just seems not me to delve into such negativity for such a long period of time, and it’s like I came to a point where I just can’t seem to motivate myself to do anything productive, not to mention I’m starting to get pretty avoidant to quite a lot of serious things that has some sort of connection with “self-responsibility”.

Honestly …

Well… I’m almost finished packing for tommorrow. Just need to copy some critical files from my compie then I should be OK.

Honestly speaking… as much as I really liked to go home, but my heart seems a bit heavy to leave as well… God… I haven’t leave yet and yet I’m missing people now ;____;. But thinking about it, most of my friends are already back in their hometown for Chinese New Year celebrations and being here wouldn’t help much… meh… ;____;.

At times like this, I do wonder whether my whole makeover thing is really worth it… am I afraid that I’m starting to lose my self identity? Or is it that nobody really cared anyway? … but thinking about it guess I’m just too self-conscious/sensitive with …

This will be a bit short for a drifting thought, but I suppose it’ll work as well, as I don’t feel like talking a lot today.

It just happens to me… OK, probably not just me, because I read it over someone’s LJ which made me thought about this, that… sometimes… why is it that… when it comes with dealing issues with the people who are the closest (be it friend, family or a love), it’s much more easier for us to avoid the person as a resolution to a problem…? Why is it that we always think that everything will be the best for everyone if we never entered into the picture into the first place…?

Reflecting this on myself… this is what I’m doing right now: Thinking that …

It’s been a while that I haven’t did this, and there’s another 6 left pending in my queue… Honestly I don’t know, probably because the events are too recent that I would like to let them sink in for a while. But judging the fact that 7 is my lucky number, well, I might as well do with some distraction before I napped… AGAIN.

July 2004 — I’ve Been Seeing Cherry Blossom’s Blooming

“Maybe I’m starting to grow up myself, and getting better in learning how to recover from situations like this.” — July 6, 2004

Main Events

• Got a PayPal account, then buy stuff over eBay for the first time… then the rest spells “Major Cash Outflow” 😛
• Bought from CDJapan 😄
• Still on CODS 😛
• Met Eric, whom I considered one …

I woke up extremely late today, so that pretty much means that I ended up skipping classes again.

So as I just decided to reach out for the papers today, something did caught my attention. There’s one article, “Keys to change” [The Star, Section 2, page 2] about a NGO called Real Love Ministry (RLM). To summarise it, basically it is an organization which basically helps homosexuals in resolving the three critical issues in their lives through a programme called The Seasons of Recovery¹. They believed that “there could be many influences that lead someone to a homosexual lifestyle, but only three specific triggers without which a person which a person will never enter into such a lifestyle.”

Quoting Edmund, the founder of RLM, “RLM is not an organization that forces people to …

June 2004 — Walking Proud

“… because it’s seems easy for us to say that it’s OK to be alone and love is optional, but desire always arise to disprove that statement.” — June 6, 2004

Main Events

• Befriended Choon Hui
• … which, in turn, found my own true love (albiet one-sided). Well, at least the person whom I love the most
• Starts to coin the term CODS: Crush Over-Dwelling Syndrome XDDD.
• Starting to translating a hell of of stuff from Chinese to English, and currently became one of my hobbies 😛
• Completed my PPP video series (at least the numbered ones =3)
• Quoting myself: “Idiot Homework Sellers Making Advertisement Publicly”. I REALLY hope this is only a prank

Comments

June has to be the coolest month in 2004 ^^. Well… honestly speaking this person Choon Hui has pretty …

May 2005 — In a Shopping Spree

“Sometimes I just wondered though: are dreams something that reflects a person’s desires and feelings?” — May 31, 2004

Main Events

• Back from Penang trip, and being robbed for the first time ever
• Got my first loan installment
• Got SEB110 <333 (and many J-Euro CDs)
• Read Fruit Basket for the first time (and has become my favourite manga ever)
• Got myself a laser printer and a hell lot of other stuff
• Fall my face hard in terms of relationship

Comments

May is pretty much like a shopping spree month for me, seeing how many things I have bought on that month itself. Yeah… Reminded me that that month is the time when I got my first installment of my loan money. That… pretty much reflects how bad my spending …

Due to the rain, the atmosphere around is pretty cold throughout the whole day. Everything seems to be pretty cloudy the whole day, but not gloomy at all. Looking at the clouds themselves… they seems to look like some sort of a silk blanket covering the whole sky.

Somehow this kind of weather pretty reflect on my own emotions now. It’s like… not really positive, but it wasn’t being close to negative as well. Just feeling a bit cold…

As much as today is pretty busy day for me, well, being around with people and stuff, it just seems that I can’t stop feeling… alone, even when I’m among friends. What really interest me was the fact that… this feeling of aloneness doesn’t feel positive, but doesn’t feel negative …

April 2004 — When Drama Unfolds, It Might Be A Good Thing As Well

“It’s like… we are the observers of our own life, anticipating something, a goal, perhaps, to happen.” — April 11, 2004

Main Events:

• Caught up with orange juice addiction (which pretty much means that I’m addicted to anything citrus :p)
• Nine/Phil/Nine… whatever XDD became my PPS friend, and still will be the most enjoyable Internet friend I had (well… as much as I would say that we didn’t talk much, but I really enjoyed his stuff :3)
• Become much more active in Parapara: in terms of dance performance… umm, practice would be a better word :p, and choreography 😊
• Completed MYPPF -The Animation- and the response is a blast! 😄
• Have my first taste of online relationships… but apparently it …