Originally I typed this as a comment to Ahmed, but apparently it has expanded to a point that I believe it serves as a entry on its own. One very interesting point that Ahmed pointed out is the natural inclination to search for validation.

Well, before I try to speak my thoughts out, I believe that I should tell the story behind this entry. Honestly speaking I’m not feeling too well emotionally today as the recent events (mainly due to work, I guess) as I personally find myself not doing much progress that I desired myself to achieve. In fact this slow pace (or probably seeing myself going backwards) has somehow made me really worried about my own future, and I’m starting to cast a lot of doubt on myself in terms of …

I think I’m running out of brain juice to elaborate my thoughts to a complete drifting thought post, so I came up with a new title instead. Well… this is mainly due to the fact that I believe that I have a lot of ideas and thoughts that I want to further develop and yet I forget after letting it slip through after a certain period of time.

So the question for today is: How do we define as being overly critical to oneself? More often than not, some of us would probably experience times when we feel inferior at some point of life that we react (or respond, depending on one’s perception) in some way or the other. And one of these reaction/responses is to be critical to oneself. And as …

Somehow all this while as much as I’m living all fine and dandy on the outset, there’s still a lot of small emotional ripples that surfaced like raindrops falling on a silent pond. The issues of love and insecurities are still one of the greatest concerns at this point of life as I find myself casting self-doubt: fearing that things will turn out to be worse than it should be.

My horoscope of today did trigger my usual habit of pondering:

“It’s not until you get the relationship issues out in the open that you have any hope of defining them, which is an essential first step to clearing them up. Dwelling on these may not be fun, but what you learn more than justifies the effort”

Just after reading this, a …

For the past few days, I was really busy going out there doing things, something pretty different from what I usually do actually.

Just to give some sort overview of what’s happening, basically I have been mixing around with more people. Well… technically I wouldn’t say that I know them for the first time, as these people are my class/course mates all the while, but I would say that this is the first time that I actually go out with them. Personally I find this as something different from what I would usually do, but just that I just felt the urge… well, you know, getting to mix around with more people. And to be honest, I think that’s pretty much a welcoming change in terms of my own lifestyle, really …

Somehow today is just one of those days when I really feel extremely vulnerable, as my desire to seek for warmth starts to tingle from time to time.

Yet I just came to question this feeling: That whether this feeling is a real need, or simply just a physical desire? In a way I found that this question can sound really stupid, and yet from another perspective it isn’t. Thinking about it, I know I needed a love that I can cherish, and I know that I’m not in a really hurry to get myself attached. After all, I don’t want to love for the sake of finding one, not to mention that I’m not really the kind who wants to play around in it.

Yet during these times, I really …

Just for the past few days, I wasn’t feeling too well emotionally. How should I put it… I wouldn’t say that I was depressed or anything, just that I’m just feeling sad and weak.

Ever wondered the feeling that when you are feeling like being extremely intimate that special someone by your side, but only to realize that you are alone in reality? Just the thought alone makes me feel really desparate, really. During those days, I just feel so unmotivated, so weak to actually do anything productive. I just spent quite some time just lying on the bed, hugging anything soft within my reach. And having really intimate dreams doesn’t really help much either.

Only then I only realise one of my deepest desires is to have someone, a stronger …

Ever happen to you that there’s sometimes that you feel that you’re detached from the actual community that you are in, but then again, it’s not completely so? I don’t know, that how I feel exactly after I came back for school after the 2-3 week haitus. It’s like, when I mix with people, I just find myself in some sort of an awkward situation where even when I’m talking to close friends, I just feel like I’m talking with somebody that I only knew recently, or vice versa (as in I feel like they are chattting with me like I’m a different person).

It’s kinda funny though, is it that I have changed? Or is it the environment and the people have changed, and I …

Just got bored out of my mind, I just dig through the para videos that I have downloaded for the past two years and just played them through. And just for the fun of it, I only popped in the original choreographies into my play list and see it running.

And it really enjoyable to just watching them :). And somehow it’s really amusing when I’m starting to noticing things. The first thing that came to mind is like… Was that really me/Ahmed/Phil/Vicky/whoever in that video? It’s not just that we look different, the way that we danced is also different in many ways. It’s really kind of amusing to see everyone changing over time: the way we dress, the way we dance, how we choreographed our dances …

It’s been quite some time I have been at home, rushing on assignments and my own final year project. It’s kinda funny thinking about it though, seeing myself being in the last month of university life, probably I should have at school, enjoying the last moments to be with my classmates. But so it seems that my works seems to take a much higher priority… but I only have myself to blame for procrastinating work.

Looking back into those two years, it’s like… a lot of things had happened, and I have been through all the most extreme ups and downs that I had in life. And now I’m just sitting here, feeling a sense of calmness which I would never expect. It’s like, if I were to be a …

Sometimes when it comes to whether I had any friends or not, come to think of it, I much more of a loner than anything else. It’s like, I don’t really receive calls from friends to ask me out or anything, I usually do a lot of things alone (whether it is to go to places, eat outside, shopping and travelling), and I do have my fair share of loneliness from time to time.

Sometimes I do feel like I was treated more like an advisor or an consultant than an actual friend. Well… you know, the kind of friend which people will only come to when the have problems to be solved? Well, by any chance, usually I don’t mind helping them out as long as it doesn’t interfere/take …