零碎的思绪中，好像一切都毫无秩序：

• 突然而来的感觉，让我换了另一个角度。
• 无需刻意寻找，幸福就在已身边。
• 一切变化无常，有时让我看不清楚。
• 追逐梦想很重要，但停顿休息也不能忽略。
• 在这不平稳的舞台上，也不能放弃生命的舞蹈。
• 扫去心中的那层尘埃，才发现到你眼神中的那份灿烂。原来让我看不清楚的是我自己。
• 一切变化无常，却让我体会到真实不变的存在。
• 才发现，变的，不是身边的一切，而是自己的角度。

静下来想一想，原来一直寻找的答案，就已经隐蕴在心中。

Within my fragmented thoughts, it seems like everything is out of order:

• A feeling that suddenly came to me, (has) let me changed another perspective.
• Even without pursing purposely, happiness is already by your side.
• Everything changes, sometimes make me unable to see clearly.
• Pursuing dreams is important, but don’t neglect oneself to stop and rest.
• Even on this unsteady dance floor, one should not stop the dance of life.
• Dusting off my heart, then I only notice the colours in your eyes. Only I realised that what really blinded me is my own self.
• Everthing changes, but that makes me understand the existence of an unchanging reality.
• Only I …

For those who noticed, I have changed my LJ layout. It basically one the new S2 free templates that LJ provides with minor colour tweaks, but it essentially captures the general feeling that I am in now.

Honestly speaking one main reason for the change of layout is that I’m starting to enter the transition into the fourth chapter in my life (or at least in my LJ sense). Every chapter actually signifies a turning point in life, in which one big turn of events really brought positive impact and changes into my life.

Reading back the poems in the past, it really shows the progress that I have been through thus far. Quoting back what I have written in the past: “For those who didn’t notice, my user info basically reflects a …

1. 开始发现自己那不成熟的那一面…原来一向来都只是逞强。这时才发现自己不知不觉地为自己画上了浓妆。

   是掩饰自己的脆弱吗…？还是太过在乎你们的看法…？

2. 在接电话的当时，仿佛听到自己那木讷无神的声音。旧伤复发的我，开始对身边的一切觉得了麻木…

   在电话线另一端的你，是否是为我担心呢？现在的我，在使出一百二十分的力气，心中的那份沉重却让我无法发挥我以往的那份热诚。

   …真的是很对不起，我会继续努力，去恢复那失去了的精神，好不让你太过担心。

3. 此时此刻，想要脱掉脸上的尘埃…用最真诚的心去面对一切。

4. 在星空底下，我才发觉我又只是一个人了…

5. I’m starting to notice the immature side of me… suddenly I notice that all the while I have been trying to hard. At this moment of time, I only realise that I have put up a thick layer of makeup on my face.

   Is it that I’m hiding my weakness…? Or is it that I’m overly concern about your point of view…?

6. When I picked up the phone, I feel as if I heard my soulless voice. Having the old hurts coming back to me, I’m starting to feel indifferent to the things around me…

   On the other side of the line, are you still worrying about me …

1. 虽然说若不争取自己想要的东西，就永远都得不到，但是…自己渴望的东西总是要顾虑到很多人的立场，不能凭任性与自私的心态盲目追求。

   是懦弱吗…？是胆小吗…？但是我真的是不想做出无谓的伤害与牺牲，若是自己受伤还无所谓…

   …在感情的泛滥当时，我还不容易…把心中那个盖子关起来…

   说到底我只是在欺骗着自己…

2. 心中那朦胧的天气，总是带来那pH少过7的味道…还真的是希望一场泪雨可以让阳光灿烂的发光…但是想想看，那只是治标不治本吧？

   或许应该告诉自己：请不要在心中乱烧垃圾。

[Note: sorry for the lousy translation, it’s really hard to capture the Chinese like poetic essence in English]

1. Although they say that if you don’t sieze the things that you desired, you’ll never be able to get it forever, but… what I desired for is something that requires consideration of the situation and stand of a lot of different people, and it cannot be pursued blindly with selfish whims.

   Is this weakness…? Or is it timidity…? But I really don’t want to make any unneccessary harm and sacrifices, it’s OK if I’m the one who bears the pain…

   … At times when my feelings overflows, it takes me much effort …

Originally posted as a comment in Ahmed’s LJ post about his interesting viewpoint about gasp death :p.

Anyway, you can read his post here:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/Ahmed/395429.html

[Note: I only edited it slightly ;)]

As said, probably death is only the end in the perception of our own dimension of physical reality… Come to think of it… What is actually lost in the event of one’s death? Come to think about it, it’s really a very interesting thought…

From my current line of thoughts, death can probably be viewed not as a lost of something physical in existence, but a lost of an illusionary dream/mind. OK, probably that’s too abstract, putting it in an example: when someone/thing dies, the impact that it’ll cause will …

I don’t know whether I should say that there’s a lot of things happened then… ironic as it sounds that nothing much really happened when I looked back at the events itself. But nonetheless it does gave me some emotional impact (refer to my previous post for my condensed thoughts of it).

Anyway, just get the tapes of memories rewinded and summarised…

Friday has been a very exciting day for me as I anticipated the arrival of my family (except for my sister). However, what I didn’t anticipate is that something may go wrong in the process… and it did happened as things goes slightly wrong with my brother. As I heard from him, he is caught in the middle of nowhere when the bus which my brother is suppose to board …

Sometimes I just need a reminder that if I’m taking an emotional break, that is equivalent to enjoying some peace and quiet that has been given to me.

Just that… There are some feelings that I still keep to myself, restraining it… The very same feeling that I had the in the past but to a much lesser degree (Probably it’s a “Deja vu” to some) It’s not that it’s bothering or depresses me or anything, just that I still feel a bit uneasy… It’s like, I still hold the strong belief of making sure one’s feelings and accessing the situation before committing myself to it, just that from time to time I feel as if I have been challenged again and again… Sometimes I feel as if I …

From time-to-time,
I couldn’t stop looking back
from where I have been

With awe,
I see the path
on which I have travelled

Looking forward,
I see the path ahead
With awe,
I see vastness

And then,
With hesitation,
My body goes a-trembling…

…

That pretty much how I feel now… I can’t really finish or polish it just yet as I really have no idea what is going to be ahead on me. (and it’s been a while since I last write poems and stuff, meh…)

Guess I might as well resume with my own plans and work.

Originally posted as a comment in my friend’s blog, but I just think that I want to keep a copy here:

A lot of times, it really depends on how you look at things: What are you thinking when you are climbing a mountain? Is it to conquer the mountain? Is it to prove the strength of oneself? Or is it just to explore and enjoy the journey?

Life is always a continuous journey of different destinations at different times. And what guides you through is your own decisions that you make in due course of time.

Just enjoy the journey! Enjoy the present moment and don’t look back with regrets. Then it’s possible to feel youthful again even after the journey back from the mountain tops :).

Sometimes whether I write these …

It’s been a while I haven’t been having deep conversations with friends: in several occasions in the past two days, I find myself discussing about matters of success, relationships and life with several different friends. And just some time after these very conversations that I noticed that I still have a really long journey to go: A lot of dreams that I wanted to attain, a lot of current responsibilities that I need to fulfil, a lot of crossroads and challenges that I would need to face. At times like this, I’m still feeling the very same feeling of uneasiness: Of those of the fears getting out of one’s security zone, and of the excitement of the possibilities what change can bring.

Moving on towards one’s life and never look …