“You know, those big audacious goals that you have shared years ago. You should consider executing on it,” said Renyi in a friendly and matter-of-fact tone. I let out a nervous chuckle — deep down I know there a small tingle of unease, this comment has hit on a nerve. In a quiet coffee house we’re in where everyone seems to mind their own businesses, we were having our mastermind group session where our pact is committed to check-in on everyone else’s progress in life and making sure that we all achieve our own personal goals and dreams.
Looking back, 2013 may prove to be one of those transitional years that I have experienced so far. I think it’s a year that I’m spending most of my time reaping and enjoying the …Continue Reading (3220 words, 13 minute read)
Oh wait, it’s been more than six months since the last My Pastel Coloured Rainbow post? Wow… seems like the blogging habit is starting to wear off from me. For one I’m starting to spend time away from the computer, go out and explore new activities. And when I have something to blog about, they are short snippets of thoughts that I ended up posting on Twitter and Facebook instead of writing short posts that I used to label them as “impromptu posts”. We’ll get to the meats and potatoes of what has happened in the year 2012 in a second.
At the same time, I acknowledge the fact that the long hiatus is necessary for me to get out from my usual routine and gain fresh perspective in life. Without interaction …Continue Reading (2429 words, 10 minute read)
For context and getting the pink elephant out of the room: I am gay, albeit a closeted one in real life — hence the rainbow reference in the title. And this is about a new pledge for myself to take the necessary steps to come out from the closet and manning up should anything bad comes my way.
My Not-So-Little Lie — “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”
Up till now, I have been adopting the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy about the fact — probably to a point that I actively avoid being spotted on gaydars and completely evading the customary girlfriend question. With all the candour I could muster: I still manifest a very strong fear deep down of the potential negative consequences: biggest of which being me being alienated or disowned by my …Continue Reading (697 words, 3 minute read)
Continuing the tradition of reviewing the year that had past and setting resolutions and a new tone for the new year, this year would probably be my busiest, most exciting and yet the least documented year. And yes, my blog is almost totally neglected last year. For this post, I dug through my memory bank and recount the details of the past – well, it’s alway better having that than not writing about some of the issues at all.
The TL;DR (Too Long; Didn’t Read) Highlights of 2011 As I Experienced It
Just to set up the context of the whole blog post, here’s the list of things that I believe to be my defining moments of the year 2011 (grouped by similarity and not in chronological order):
- Becoming one of the …
You probably wouldn’t know this as I’m not able to bring myself to say it: that you mean everything to me since I felt the rush upon knowing you. In due course of time, I still find myself fixated over you despite the fact that I know I need you more than you’ll ever need me.
Maybe it’s just me seeing you as perfect the way you are, even with all the flaws and quirks. In a way that Bruno Mars struck an emotional chord in me when he sings his songs.
You have such honesty shining through in your words, your eyes and your expressions – so beautiful that I’ll try to capture them with my own eyes when I get every silver of a chance. Noticing even the slightest …Continue Reading (337 words, 2 minute read)
How many times does one fall in love
to someone that is so beautiful and dear
and unable to grasp and hold it close
My gaze remain locked
at this beautiful thing
swimming about gracefully
without any concern of the attention it receives
I clasps my hands together
On one hand, it’s as if I’m begging
for it to come to me
While on the other, letting my internal tensions
fade away through my fingertips
slowly, gently, with ease…
and to let it go…
Full size art at DeviantArt, and you can buy it as a print if you like it.
Reflecting back of all the unrequited relationships that I had in the past, this dawned upon me:
In some relationships, I made the mistake of offering you the past: my charming persona, my credentials, why I am worthy for you. The problem is that the past also have its baggage: the wounds, the scars, the burdens. Not everyone likes to carry the weight of someone else’s issues while they have their plates full. Hence I can only appeal to their logical side, and the risk/reward ratio is not high enough for them to qualify me.
In some relationships, I made the mistake of offering you the future: the vows, the promises, the bright road ahead together. I can write great poems and sing great songs from such a space. It’s certainly way …Continue Reading (438 words, 2 minute read)
How long has it been that I had first set eyes on you? Five years ago, perhaps? Remembering brings the bittersweet feeling of what’s not meant to be. Hence I always only been able to see you from afar no matter how close I am right next to you.
Your kindness is one that I couldn’t repay as much I’d love to shower you with gratitude million times over.
A passion unrequited is a life that I’ve gotten used to. Hence I’ve learned how to move on without you, letting the sorrows fade away while the rosy images of you remained framed in my heart.
Five years later, in the present, I met “you” again. It’s not the same you I’ve met before, but everything that I know …Continue Reading (353 words, 2 minute read)
… not that I’m able to say it out loud without being stared at.
P/S: to suspecting or surprised friends who are reading this: there’s nothing wrong with your eyes.