一直守候在你身边，怕你我会厌烦。
 但没有你陪的时刻，自己却会心烫。

一丝丝思念的情怀，
 到底是在想你，还是只是满足自己？

其实好多好多时候，觉得不了解你。
 在黯然神伤的眼神，到底说些什么？

一段段悲痛的感觉， 到底伤心是你，还是迷惑中的自己？

一直不敢坦诚相对，怕你我会逃避。
 但没有深度的话语，自己却会叹气。

一丝丝压抑的关怀，
 到底是在隐瞒，还是只是欺骗自己？

其实好多好多时候，很想要了解你。
 在平淡无奇的生活，一起分担分享。

一段段漫长的路程，
 寻找一份勇气，坦诚和你走在一起。

…这，是我小小的心愿。

Being by your side all the time, I’m afraid both of us will get bored
But without you by my side, I ended up getting heartaches myself

Bits and pieces of the feelings of missing you
Is it that I’m thinking of you, or I’m just satisfying myself?

In reality, a lot of times, I feel that I don’t understand you
Behind those sorrowful eyes, what they are saying?

Bits and pieces of the feelings of sorrow
Is it that you’re sad, or the one who’s actually sad is that confused me?

All awhile I really am not being …

Continue Reading (222 words, 1 minute read)

Chapter 3: May‘05

Time passes
As I am watching
The ebb and flow of life

At times of constant change
I still know deep down
That what’s deep and true will always stay

Horizons broaden when I seek
Wisdom accumulated when I understand
Happiness blooms when I appreciate

As my story continues to unfold
I will continue my dance and song
As I continue wander around my life journey

---

Chapter 4 — The Awakening

December 2005

Deep asleep…
All this while
I was hushed gently
that it’s time to wake up

Never easy
To open up
My whole being trembling
Knowing everything will change completely

It’s never
An easy journey
Where hope and pain
Intertwined together as one entity

Finally realised
How to live…
That I can’t be
Staying in the …

Continue Reading (181 words, 1 minute read)

或许…永远永远没有人会看得到…
或许…永远永远没有人会听得见…
 或许…永远永远没有人会感受得到…

但是，自己仍然默默地期许着
…一天，心中的温暖能够传达到你那边。
虽然有时还会觉得低落…
虽然有时还会觉得创伤…
 虽然有时还会觉得绝望…

但现在，我终于发觉到：
即使你永远永远没注意到，也没什么关系了：
因为你的存在已经让我找到我最珍贵的宝物了。
 我终于可以实实在在的相信爱的存在了。

现在心中吟唱着的歌是我生存的证明：
因为你，也为了你，分享那份喜悦。
…继续地祈祷着…
 …希望你会感受得到…

Maybe… Forever and ever nobody will be able to see…
Maybe… Forever and ever nobody will be able to hear…
Maybe… Forever and ever nobody will be able to feel…

But, I still silently wished
… that one day, the warmth in my heart will be able to reach you.
Although sometimes I still feel down…
Although sometimes I still feel hurt…
Although sometimes I still feel hopeless…

But now, I finally realised:
Even forever and ever you will never notice, it’s not a problem anymore:
Because your existence has made me found my greatest treasure.
I finally can believe the existence of love with no doubts.

Now, the songs …

Continue Reading (158 words, 1 minute read)

孤寂的夜里，
悸动的心
呼唤着！哭嚎着！
 有谁听得见吗？

心中的坚强与虚弱
似乎只是幻影
或许那只是
 编织借口的工具吧！

是不甘心吗？
那不甘寂寞的呼唤吗？
还是
 那是紧急求救的苦嚎？

苦苦挣扎…
累得不能自己
就这样继续沉睡
 等待着明天的天晓

这个夜里
剩下
脸上枯干的痕迹，
 犹如祈祷的心跳声…

In a lonely night,
This trembling heart
Calling! Crying!
Does anyone hears it?

That strength and weakness of the heart
Seem to be an illusion
Maybe that’s only
A tool to weave more excuses

Is it that I’m not content?
That it is a scream of non-content because of loneliness?
Or
That is an emergency cry for help?

Struggling hard…
Tired to a point when my will is powerless against my soul
And so I continue to slumber
Until the dawn of tommorrow

This night,
All’s left
The trace of dryness on my cheeks,
The heartbeat that sounds like a prayer…

From time-to-time,
I couldn’t stop looking back
from where I have been

With awe,
I see the path
on which I have travelled

Looking forward,
I see the path ahead
With awe,
I see vastness

And then,
With hesitation,
My body goes a-trembling…

…

That pretty much how I feel now… I can’t really finish or polish it just yet as I really have no idea what is going to be ahead on me. (and it’s been a while since I last write poems and stuff, meh…)

Guess I might as well resume with my own plans and work.

I guess this is almost the time to enter my next phase in life, so I changed my info a bit.

As usual, I changed the poem in my user info, so just to keep a copy of it:

Chapter 2: Nov‘04

“In awe, I receive messages from the past —
lyrics that become self-prophesies,
coincidences that remind me of my destiny,
voices of singers long gone.

They tell me that whichever path I choose
will take me home.”

— Utada Hikaru, from her Single Collection Vol.1 1998-2003 album cover

---

No longer I am who I was…
For life have shown me possibilities…

The miracle is now
Where every word dances along with my existence

The adventure is now
Where every single present is calling my notice

My times has been marked
When I noticed …

Continue Reading (290 words, 2 minute read)

For those who didn’t notice, my user info basically reflects a lot on myself… and the direction of my own life. My LJ is pretty much a record of my own journeys, which pretty much reflects on my own life from many aspects. And every single post has been done with a lot of heart and soul poured into every single word choice.

I believe it’s time to change it… To signify another milestone.

For those who didn’t get to read the first version (I’m taking it down), here it is, accompanying version 2 at the bottom.

Chapter 1: Jan‘04

A computer science student bored out of his mind
Ends up deciding to trying to inject words into describing his already boring personal life:

Perhaps I’m just waiting for …

Continue Reading (437 words, 2 minute read)

You gave me so much courage
It’s really hard for me to cry
You gave me so much happiness
It’s really hard for me to feel sad
You gave me so much strength
It’s really hard for me to show my pain

… I see you
smiling back at me
The very same smile you had all the while
And yet it wasn’t the same smile that I used to know…

…I see you…
So close, yet so distant
As if your eyes are telling me
“My job is done”

I seem to hear your silent voice
Saying to me softly…
That I’m already able
To be on my own

I seem to notice your eyes
Telling me kindly…
That I’ll be there… watching you
To be happy and alive …

Continue Reading (244 words, 1 minute read)

Nothing happened today, just study study study study study… You get the idea. The library is much livelier though with a larger gang of friends to study together. 😊 Then… what else, met Rachael and Choon Hui today… And for some reason I feel like I did something really stupid to them both today >.<”, nothing major though.

Ah~ Just random ramblings, I would say :p. Anyway, I wrote this the other day and it is intended to be posted up in our forums, but on second thought, I think I just keep it up here.

第二封（也是交不出去的）信

＊前言＊

[点选歌曲：ayumi hamasaki’s A Song for XX (from A Song for XX)]

暗恋一个人，总是充满不少快乐，遐想与心酸。在一个幻想的国度中，和他在一起的未来永远都是完美甜蜜的。

但是，现实永远都是幻想的放大版。当小小的细节要被顾虑到的时候，往往会觉得现实与幻想会差太多了。就因为如此，难免心中会产生不少酸意。

表白或许是最好的解脱吧！但那还需要蛮大的勇气吧！

当一个人喜欢上另一个有了对象的人，这回事更是难上加难了。用写的或许会比较容易吧！但即使只是短短几句，间中隐藏的含义往往超越了表面上的字迹。

结果还是没勇气把它交出去。信的内容如下：

＊第一（二）封信＊

致____ …

Continue Reading (713 words, 3 minute read)

Well… Getting A BEST is definitely a bad idea: it made me all sentimental all of a sudden XDDD. Great compilation CD <333.

Anyway, just wrote this… originally in Chinese (wow! It’s been YEARS I have written Chinese), for those who understand Chinese, click here:

星空のTRAP

何时又跌入单恋的陷阱
何时又扮演受伤的角色
一心想要脱离
那反复不停的剧本
再重新再来过的我
 为何又让我发现了你？

孤单的夜里
总是习惯了孤单的
被遥远的星星围绕
还记得小时候吗？
人家说向流星许愿
会得到幸福的哦！
我的梦想就好像这样
在星空中编织
希望有那一天那一颗
 幸运星降临

自从何时
我把你编织在那星空中？
明知道你是那么的靠近
 却让我感到那么的遥远？

何时又跌入单恋的陷阱
何时又扮演受伤的角色
一心想要脱离
那反复不停的剧本
再重新再来过的我
 为何又让我发现了你？

在那喧哗的都市
总是习惯了孤单的
和过路人檫肩而过
还记得那时候吗？
人家说在繁华的都市里
会有和你命中注定的人哦！
我的梦想就好像这样
在星空中编织
希望有那一天那一颗
 幸运星降临

自从何时
我会在意你的存在？
明知道你有了别人
 却让我感到心酸？

自从何时
我会为了你流了不少泪？
明知道和你一起有可能
 却让我感到那么的无力尝试？

何时又跌入单恋的陷阱
何时又扮演受伤的角色
一心想要脱离
那反复不停的剧本
再重新再来过的我
 为何又让我发现了你？

我的梦想就好像这样
在星空中编织
或许完美的你
比较适合在那星空中飘舞
但是…
我还是
希望有那一天那一颗
 幸运星降临

你…会降临于我吗…？

For the rest of you who don’t, here’s a English translation (I did polish it a little):

The Trap Within The Stars

Since when I fall …

Continue Reading (511 words, 3 minute read)