What differentiates between hopes and dreams?

The idea of wishing someone, including oneself, to be happy forever is totally absurd.

This has happened again, and I really don’t want to repeat the whole cycle that I have gone through with Choon Hui again:

What should I do if a friend (more specifically, Sze Hau) suddenly seem to act differently, as seem to keep a further distance with me?

Obviously I can’t be sure about what other thinks except for myself, and it’s not a right time for me to ask him about it as he’s not feeling well today. But here’s what I know (and it MIGHT be wrong, considering that my information can be distorted by many factors):

About myself:- Probably after I have decided to take another step forward, my own mental perception of him has changed: which my desires and expectation was raised over a higher bar …

It a time when you stand in the middle of nowhere: One leads back where you came from, another probably would lead to a point of no return… and there’s no way to know the outcome.

A time when the only fact that you can be 100% sure of is those within yourself, but that itself might also be distorted by your own emotions; and every external fact that can be obtained is only mere perception of your own.

Finding myself standing at this point, it’s the best time when weakness and doubt come creeping in… but their calling is no where from invalid from a certain point of view…

Confidence is just another word of “trust”: The very beautiful quality of humans to trust both external and internal factors, both possibilities and limitations, both good and bad, is the very sandbox of your own life, fate and destiny that you want to mould and pursue.

Don’t try to be hostile to those who intend to help, even if these help come or executed in a offending way to you. Your attempt to protect your ego will backfire to you in the end.

Hence, should there’s something you can’t agree upon, debate to search the truth, but never fight like a barbarian to protect your illusionary ego.

Without notice, probably some of my actions and decision might have steered my directions in life. Anxious, I am, as I’m feeling unsure what lies beyond what I strive for. All I need now is to remind myself that at every end of the line, it’s never an end but a beginning.

And that, another journey begins…

心中总是有些一直说不出口的话语…总是希望，有一天，有人会听得见…

There are some words inside my heart that never get to be spoken… And I always hoped that, someday, someone will be able to hear it…

孤寂的夜里，
悸动的心
呼唤着！哭嚎着！
 有谁听得见吗？

心中的坚强与虚弱
似乎只是幻影
或许那只是
 编织借口的工具吧！

是不甘心吗？
那不甘寂寞的呼唤吗？
还是
 那是紧急求救的苦嚎？

苦苦挣扎…
累得不能自己
就这样继续沉睡
 等待着明天的天晓

这个夜里
剩下
脸上枯干的痕迹，
 犹如祈祷的心跳声…

In a lonely night,
This trembling heart
Calling! Crying!
Does anyone hears it?

That strength and weakness of the heart
Seem to be an illusion
Maybe that’s only
A tool to weave more excuses

Is it that I’m not content?
That it is a scream of non-content because of loneliness?
Or
That is an emergency cry for help?

Struggling hard…
Tired to a point when my will is powerless against my soul
And so I continue to slumber
Until the dawn of tommorrow

This night,
All’s left
The trace of dryness on my cheeks,
The heartbeat that sounds like a prayer…

Even one’s deprived of the possession of the things that one desires, one shouldn’t cheat oneself by refuting his desires.