Why the unnecessary anguish? Is it a jealousy of your reality? Or is it that I’m jealous of the best illusory ending for you in my mind?

Sometimes it just so hard to bear, that it seem so impossible to get myself fitting into the best picture for you. Is it that I’m letting way so that you are able to find what’s best for you? Or is it that I don’t feel confident in myself that probably I am already the best for you…?

… Or is it that I fell in my own illusory world, that all my perceptions towards you is everything but the reality…?

- Enlighten by love, blinded by self -

[To Ahmed: The comment isn’t displayed here for some unknown reason, but it did get into my mail :).]

理想…在心中到底是怎样的东西呢 ?

Deep down in my heart, what kind of a thing(s) that I call it as an “ideal”?

A silent anguish in me, never content to only seeing your back always… as my own illusions are already covering the beauty of your reality.

This is what I realised through your innocent, truthful eyes of yours.

原来自己一向来希望的，并不是得到；而是不要失去。

I realised that all this while, what I wished for is not “getting”, but “not losing” it.

想着…或许，永远都不能够把自己真正的心声传达给心中最在乎的人。与其说是迟钝，那还带有胆怯的气息才更加糟糕吧！

所以…或许，永远只是傻乎乎地，眼睁睁地看着你的身影擦肩而过吧！之所以在你身边，总是觉得患得患失的惊惶失措吧！

呵呵…或许，自己永远都不愿意承认自己有一点不现实的浪漫情结吧！

＊现在仍然在学习着如何活到勇敢一点。＊ ^^”

Thinking… Maybe, I’ll never say my real, heartfelt words to the people that I cared the most forever. Instead of saying that’s being slow, having an extra taste of timidness makes it even worse.

Therefore… Maybe, I’ll only be able to see you passing by me forever. That because every time I’m by your side, I always feel a little bit panicky with worries of losing you!

chuckles… Maybe, I’ll never admit that I have that unrealistic attachment to romanticism forever!

Currently still learning how to live more courageously. ^^”

What’s the distance between you and me? Seems so close, yet so far away.

Only to realise that the only distance between you and me is not other than myself believing that the distance exists.

I’m nothing more than a being of a million illusions.

- See beyond what can be seen -

Everytime when I see/think of you, is that image of you a projection of my own perceived reality, or is it a reflection of myself that I’m unaware of?

Is it a recollection of the past, that knowing you are going far away triggers a lot of feelings and memories?

At this time, even the sunny blue sky seems to contain hints of loneliness… probably it’s only me searching for your traces?

Seeing my brain cells running on full capacity, only to realise that every single one of them are used to create images of you.