First off, on a much light-hearted note, I went to the bus station with Tommy to book our seats to Penang. But apparently the earliest bus to Penang with available seats are in 3:30pm, which is not desirable since we don’t really think of spending another night in our hotel nor having less time to have fun. But there’re morning tickets available on the 30 April, so we book that instead and make some slight changes in our plan. So… Penang, here we come! 😄 But the downside is that I have to part with the Internet for two days, which is OK since I don’t really feel the need to be connected everyday, just that I have to leave my journal blank for two days… But I guess a plain pen …

I just finished two papers today, making it the end of the second last day of our examinations. I suppose I fare pretty well on both papers I had, but what interest me is how I feel the day after I knew I failed my Numerical Analysis and Mathematics for Computer Graphics paper. For the whole night yesterday wasn’t a really pleasant experience, With my friend staying in my room, I slowly sneaked myself outside of the house, trying to get some fresh air… and some personal space. I tried… really hard to force my tears out which I held back… but I can’t seem to force it. It just seems to me that I’m really sad yet I can’t really get over with it once and for all.

For the …

Just before I go for the gathering, I decided to have lunch at home, and at the same time fill a big bottle of drinking water (My aunt has a drinking water filter in the kitchen, but she always locks the kitchen at night for safety. So just to save me the trouble, I usually keep the water supplies in my room, just in case I need a sip). But since the tap is pretty slow, so my plan would be like: Putting the bottle under the tap while I’m having my lunch.

But when I finished my lunch and prepare to wash the dishes, the bottle is half full, and there’s only one sink in the kitchen. So I just sit nearby, staring at the water filling up the bottle. Somewhat it …

Ever you had one of those days that you woke up and then feeling like just don’t getting up? Not the typical “It’s Sunday” kind of habit, but the kind that you REALLY don’t feel like waking up, as if you are escaping from something? Well, all of a sudden I realized that this has started to become a REALLY nasty habit of me (it haven’t… but slowly it might).

I don’t know… the only thing that I had noticed is that this recurring pattern always happens when I’m totally stressed to a point that I wanted to freak out. But it’s not that I haven’t experienced any stress before, in fact the worst disaster that happen to me is the time when I have to retype …

Today is just another very stressing day, work being piled up like no end, the oversight that the semester is going to end within next month and exams are coming. And I’m just sitting there, having my classes. I was thinking of clearing up my brains and give myself a break, but sometimes things didn’t work out the way you wanted it to be: consequences of past events will eventually take it’s chances to lurk and haunt you whenever they had the chance.

A kind of emptiness is filling up while I’m thinking of having a clear thought, just like a dark cloud overshadowing my inner self. Then it decided to pour down rains of negative thoughts: of my current situation, of my choice towards my paths and goals in life …

Lately I got a whole scatter of undeveloped thought about my own feelings that I can’t seem to organize them well, till I have the time to sort them out, here’s a quick list of some:

[:: Random Thoughts ::]

• How people perceive right and wrong… I don’t know, I have been thinking of that question from the start and the interest resparked in me when I’m having moral classes. Is opinions is really related to our past experiences? Or is it already manipulated by social norms? Or maybe both? Issues has been floating around in my head lately
• Love… yeah, I think I’m thinking waaaay too much about that lately. But the funny thing is this: What my own desires towards that? Is it that I really wanted someone to love …

It’s about two months since I have started with LiveJournal and I have been constantly updating it, marking down the thoughts and events that I experienced during that point of time.

But what keeps me pondering isn’t my posts in the past, but the Friends feature provided by LJ. For some reasons, I have been reading my friends page pretty much religiously after I had finished with my posting for the day. Then it’s back in my thinking mode: why am I reading all this while my time can be better spent in doing something else? So I started to read the friends page really carefully this time, and I notice that most post are pretty much describes about what everyone’s doing in their daily life. Nothing more, nothing less. It …

Today, I really feel like I’m “In Hues of Blue” (it’s my journal title, in case you are not aware of it). Basically I really liked blue, a lot in fact, because it has the calming and peaceful effect on me. However, blue can also mean feeling down, depressed, or perhaps rejected. Hence… Feeling blue.

Out of the blue, I suddenly feel isolated. You know, the kind of feeling that you feel that you don’t seem to fit into your own surroundings/society, or among a group of friends. It’s really like… everyone around you know that you exists but they don’t really notice that you are there. Perhaps except on some occasions that they need your help or something (usually I would gladly do if I got the time …

For some reasons, my mind gets pretty stirred up, but yet I feel peaceful. I have been reading and hearing a lot of stories. While reading my LJ friends’ entries and listened to some my friends’ problem, lots of emotions that sprung up to me: sad, indifferent, anger, fear, insecure, rejected, hatred… lonely… lost… …

Slumping back on my chair, my mind can’t seem fixed in one point. I have been thinking quite a lot lately: regarding life, purpose, love, humanity, relationship, philosophy… For some reasons, I being really introspective, thinking about abstract concepts which the answers is so vague, so broad, and so hard to grasp and reach. My brains are working in a incoherent matter, random thoughts and feelings are coming to me without any noticible patterns. It seems that these fragments are …