This will be a bit short for a drifting thought, but I suppose it’ll work as well, as I don’t feel like talking a lot today.

It just happens to me… OK, probably not just me, because I read it over someone’s LJ which made me thought about this, that… sometimes… why is it that… when it comes with dealing issues with the people who are the closest (be it friend, family or a love), it’s much more easier for us to avoid the person as a resolution to a problem…? Why is it that we always think that everything will be the best for everyone if we never entered into the picture into the first place…?

Reflecting this on myself… this is what I’m doing right now: Thinking that …

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I woke up extremely late today, so that pretty much means that I ended up skipping classes again.

So as I just decided to reach out for the papers today, something did caught my attention. There’s one article, “Keys to change” [The Star, Section 2, page 2] about a NGO called Real Love Ministry (RLM). To summarise it, basically it is an organization which basically helps homosexuals in resolving the three critical issues in their lives through a programme called The Seasons of Recovery¹. They believed that “there could be many influences that lead someone to a homosexual lifestyle, but only three specific triggers without which a person which a person will never enter into such a lifestyle.”

Quoting Edmund, the founder of RLM, “RLM is not an organization that forces people to …

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Due to the rain, the atmosphere around is pretty cold throughout the whole day. Everything seems to be pretty cloudy the whole day, but not gloomy at all. Looking at the clouds themselves… they seems to look like some sort of a silk blanket covering the whole sky.

Somehow this kind of weather pretty reflect on my own emotions now. It’s like… not really positive, but it wasn’t being close to negative as well. Just feeling a bit cold…

As much as today is pretty busy day for me, well, being around with people and stuff, it just seems that I can’t stop feeling… alone, even when I’m among friends. What really interest me was the fact that… this feeling of aloneness doesn’t feel positive, but doesn’t feel negative …

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My Story by ayumi hamasaki - Part II

[Note: basically it’s a summary of events which I feel was really relevant and I try to keep as much detail preserved as possible without getting myself into typing a 200 page novel. All names are, in most cases, real, since I really don’t feel like hiding them. But I also try to preserve as much anonymity as possible, with respect to those people.

The main reason why I use real names is that… there’s just a lot of words that I wished them to hear but I’m just too afraid to tell them… and I believe through writing is the only way that I’m able to express it out. I don’t know whether all the people which get highlighted in the …

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Originally posted in my university’s forum, but the answers took me quite some time to craft, so I decided to post it here :):

This thread is started by my friend, Steven, BTW:

当女人问你这三个问题时你会怎么回答

1. 你爱我什么？
2. 在什么样情况下你就会不爱我？
3. 假如我与别的男人发生了有性无爱的一夜情 你会怎么做？

My Reply:

哇！真的是很刁难人叻！

我的答案会是如此：

1. 我不能告诉你我爱你“什么”，因为三言两语是不能表达我爱你的一切。若是要我说最珍惜“什么”，我爱你的“ 存在”…
2. 我也不能告诉你“什么情况”下我“不爱”你，因为付出的爱是永远收不回来的。若是要我说“什么情况”下我“ 不能爱你那么多”，就是在我们最不能互相信任的那时刻…
3. …假设性问题我最不敢回答，因为情况天天与众不同。

但若你曾经有过有性无爱的一夜情，若你不在乎，我也不会追究。因为我相信你那时也不想伤害任何 人。

但若你现在有着有性无爱的一夜情…我会觉得很失败…因为我给不到你那一份交和的满足感。

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Translation:

If A Woman¹ Ask You These 3 Questions, How Would You Answer?

1. What do you love about me?
2. In what situation that you’ll not love me?
3. If I were to have a no-strings-attached-one-night-stand (i.e. Only sexual relationship with no love attached to it), what will you do?

My Reply:

Oh GOD! These questions are TOUGH!

My answers would be as …

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Originally this should be a drifting thought post, however all of a sudden while I’m typing it through… the feelings seems to slip away from me. Maybe my own questions are answered? Shrugs I would never know…

[:: Retained Drifting Thoughts: Opening ::]

A constant sky blue thought has been in me… for the past few days… Clouds have been passing through this sky blue atmosphere in my heart, and curious I was to know what’s behind them, I have been constantly looking at them with patience, looking through every single detail of the clouds while I’m hoping that the sky will clear up.

And on the brief moment today that all of a sudden that… there’s no more clouds, just a clear view of the sky blue of my own feelings… Somewhat …

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Hmm… Another entry…

Anyway, been to Sunway Piramid alone just now: which is an activity that I always engage in… Sometimes I just prefer to stroll around alone, so that I can bring my mind, heart and soul for a stroll as well without the need to giving attention to others: pure undivided attention onto myself.

I am thinking of buying Koda Kumi’s 1000 Words single (which I used to saw one copy there months ago)…. However I can’t find it ;___;. Originally I was thinking of not buying anything, but suddenly one of the CDs in the budget corner caught my eye: dream’s eternal dream CD. Honestly, I personally didn’t like dream that much (well… at least I don’t really like their SEB remix album), but it just seem …

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Originally posted as a comment in Ahmed journal, but it kinda clicked with me so I posted up here as well ^^.

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And yeah, now that you mentioned it, I seem to notice that I use “often more than not” a lot. XDDD (or, the one I’m more comfortable with: “more often than not”) But I see that as a change in myself, because looking back, my catch phrase is “maybe”. 😛 Guess I’m growing up somewhat :).

Coming back that “often more than not”, the reason why I like to use it is perhaps it’s part of my nature that I don’t see things in black and white, I always leave that shade of gray there (as much people would say that I’m indecisive or not holding strong with my own principles …

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For some reasons… I just felt that something is going to happen yesterday… And so it did.

Yesterday has been an important day for me… well… honestly technically it shouldn’t be yesterday, but days before. But that doesn’t really matter anyway.

… All I can say, Erika have changed a lot during the past week. And it’s not the normal “a lot”, but a drastic “a lot”. It’s like… a total difference from her persona in school, I would say it’s the stronger side of her: confident, assertive, clear minded and… well, strong. And the coolest thing is that, she acquired a British accent! OMG! That’s freaking cool, I wished I had that! 😄 Well… but then again that would translate to the fact that most of my close friends would …

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… In continuity of my midnight post, basically everything is OK now since we came to a conclusion (at least the conclusion that inferred) is that there’s just a lot of misunderstanding between us.

But considering how much damage I have done… now I was asked to think really carefully… about whether to continue it… or stop it completely…

As much I know what my first impulse decision is, I was asked to think carefully… really carefully. Because it is an important decision for both of us.

Honestly… this is the hardest decision I have to make thus far.

It’s been quite some time I have been putting much thought into it… ever since the beginning. … A lot of things, actually…

There’s just a lot of thoughts, floating in my brain… trying to …

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