Currently I really feel like exploring some other areas in my own life and pondering some of the more harder thoughts that I have previously put aside. One of them being the concept of fear and self-confidence. Personally I haven’t really see my own “fear” eye-to-eye: In most cases I would have tried my best to avoid it. My own fear isn’t a fear of something really dangerous or scary, but of those which is much more closer to our own being: Fear of commitment, fear that arise due to inferiority complex, fear of losing the things that is the most important and we love most… These kinds of “soft fear” (in my own terminology, of course).

Just as a sidenote, I have been exposed into some of the Freudian concepts lately and …

Somehow I just feel as if everything is different, and yet everything is still the same.

I don’t know, there’ll be some definite changes in my life. I’ll be having my room all by myself again next week, that’s the most major one. My results will be out sometime in mid-June (I guess), and I wonder how I fared…

In the cycle of emotional calm and chaos, a sense of peacefulness seems to assure me that everything should be OK, no matter what comes.

There are a lot of things that I doubt about myself, there are a lot of things that I don’t understand about myself… as I just stare at the blue sky on the top of my head.

I kept wondering… what my future goes? Where am …

To be honest, today’s drifting thoughts post isn’t totally brought by me in the first place. Actually most of the points here are presented by Theen Gee when he was talking to someone else and his words really caught me because he really manage to crystallise this thought so well, and it really captures my attention since I agree with it totally. Anyway, basically what I have typed here is my own interpretation of the same thing (and should not be confused as what he actually said because his presentation is totally different from mine) and I’m just typing it in just to contain it before I forget it totally.

Anyway, in continuation with my short drifting thoughts post, I do mention about something regarding putting on extra unnecessary layers on top …

After some big (probably) thoughts about the concepts of good and bad/evil (refer to my previous entry regarding Final Fantasy 8), all I can say is that the more I think about it, the more clueless I am about the most simplest things that I have taken for granted all this while. I think I’ll just leave it as that because my thoughts are getting way too complicated for me to comprehend at the moment.

Somehow it just came to me is that probably the seeking of the true meaning of life is actually discovering our own unique underlying principles in living, as well as being able to make sound judgements towards our own actions, take full responsibility for it and live blissfully with the consequences that we have brought into our own …

Of Final Fantasy 8

For one thing: I have found myself sucked into Final Fantasy 8 addiction again. I almost spend the whole day today just playing one of my favourite RPGs again. But of course, I’m still relying on the strategy guide to play the game :p.

But speaking of strategy guide, somehow I do pick up interest in re-reading the analysis of the complex plot. And considering how much that the game (purposely, I believe) left out a lot of specific details in certain areas, the speculated theories of the game is really interesting to read as we see different people dissect events and clues to come out with their own viewpoint regarding the game. And just by reading that, one part seems to catch my attention:

The one thing that really …

Originally I typed this as a comment to Ahmed, but apparently it has expanded to a point that I believe it serves as a entry on its own. One very interesting point that Ahmed pointed out is the natural inclination to search for validation.

Well, before I try to speak my thoughts out, I believe that I should tell the story behind this entry. Honestly speaking I’m not feeling too well emotionally today as the recent events (mainly due to work, I guess) as I personally find myself not doing much progress that I desired myself to achieve. In fact this slow pace (or probably seeing myself going backwards) has somehow made me really worried about my own future, and I’m starting to cast a lot of doubt on myself in terms of …

Somehow all this while as much as I’m living all fine and dandy on the outset, there’s still a lot of small emotional ripples that surfaced like raindrops falling on a silent pond. The issues of love and insecurities are still one of the greatest concerns at this point of life as I find myself casting self-doubt: fearing that things will turn out to be worse than it should be.

My horoscope of today did trigger my usual habit of pondering:

“It’s not until you get the relationship issues out in the open that you have any hope of defining them, which is an essential first step to clearing them up. Dwelling on these may not be fun, but what you learn more than justifies the effort”

Just after reading this, a …

It just came to me that sometimes we tend to put tons of unnecessary layers of complexity on top of what seems to be extremely simple and pure. Once that happens, we started to wonder whether it’s the very same thing anymore.

Sometimes humans are just weird in some ways, probably due to the fact that we tend to take things for granted. And at the fact that we do have the tendency to think that our ego is our identity but in actual fact, our ego is probably the very thing that hides our true identity.

It’s only until something happens and all these false layers falls apart that we realise the most important and beautiful core of it.

OK, back to work while I swallow envy of those who participated in …

[:: Update: Honestly speaking I really wonder whether I should have put this as friends-only or not… I really hope that my decision of putting this up on public is the right thing to do, as much I know how risky this is… ::]

One of the main reasons that I’m so excited this week is that I get to spend time with Choon Hui for almost the whole week, as much everything have to deal with school’s stuff and I really hoped that I can get some good, personal and private time with him (as much I know how hard this is for me to achieve).

And it’s kind of good that he has pretty much be in good terms with me, although he does seem to isolate himself from me when we …

For the past few days, I was really busy going out there doing things, something pretty different from what I usually do actually.

Just to give some sort overview of what’s happening, basically I have been mixing around with more people. Well… technically I wouldn’t say that I know them for the first time, as these people are my class/course mates all the while, but I would say that this is the first time that I actually go out with them. Personally I find this as something different from what I would usually do, but just that I just felt the urge… well, you know, getting to mix around with more people. And to be honest, I think that’s pretty much a welcoming change in terms of my own lifestyle, really …