Somehow at the moment my expenses has pretty much crept up to a point it’s eroding my savings. Well, not by a serious margin, but these few months I have been spending quite a lot of stuff. Currently books, CDs and some new comfort necessities (food and clothes).

But apparently I didn’t expect that I have to buy some new working clothes. But having an ironing accident with one of my shirts and I had only a week supply of shirts (that doesn’t require a lot of ironing, that is), I bought two extras to replace it. And now my base of my leather shoes is showing signs of falling off (and it wasn’t the first time already), I need to get another pair pretty soon. 😞

To be honest, I’m …

Holding tight, that’s pretty much what I have been doing at the moment. It means different things in different ways: Holding tight onto a pillow seeking (pseudo?) comfort, holding tight to my calm when facing challenges (currently being assigned to a job very close to the deadline, more like an sudden/emergency arrangement), holding tight to my own search of the ultimate self… a lot of things.

Sometimes really felt that dealing with myself is already tough enough, and trying to understand others at the same time does seems like stretching myself a little too thin ^^||… but that itself was a very important lesson unto itself, isn’t it :).

It does take a while, so it seems :).

It has been some time that I have been developing the idea of having some negative feelings and insecurities stems from certain missing components in life: something that we are know unconsciously but not being able to fully aware of what it exactly is. Think of it, it feels almost like trying to fitting in puzzle pieces… or to try every single key until all locks on the door is open. It is indeed a tiring process at times, but… life isn’t something we should give up on, isn’t it? 😊

Somehow thinking about it, during every chapter in my own LJ (i.e. my own views in life) I seemed to be able to find or understand something important that I first thought was complete, but it’s actually more like I’m …

Been at home during the weekends, but all I have felt is nothing but restlessness. Or more precisely put is that it’s the “drifting thoughts weekend”… well, in a way.

At this time, it’s really hard for me to really scope in my thoughts… it’s really like… several issues were so interrelated with each other and yet so distinct. So much adrift that I felt completely lost… all alone blanketed by my own fears. As if I’m going further back in time… a sense of helplessness in such a big, unknown world… it’s like… becoming back into an child, needing the protection from the mother.

Is it that I was grown up too soon? Somehow it felt as if I can’t cope with everything in this world… unprepared, in …

How big my world is — that’s a question that have been in my mind but never answered. The world as we know it is infinite, reflecting back on myself, my own world is very small…

Sometimes it just felt that my own boundaries are as small as the amount of space on which I’m feet is touching the ground. Yet sometimes in times of bliss all boundaries dissolved and I was whole…

Probably my own perception of the world is just the connection between you and me? Or it’s just a fleeting interpretation based on my own emotions and awareness of my own surroundings…?

What is… the World?

Imagine you are just an ant, wandering around in search of food. And, apparently, you crawl onto a living carrier (a human, for example) unknowingly and was carried away to a very distant place.

What would you feel if you are crawled on unknown grounds… all alone? What would you do…?

Apparently that’s what I was thinking when I see that ant moving around aimlessly on my office desk.

Two day I have been sleeping without a blanket, and to be honest it’s very hard to sleep without one. It’s not that I’m feeling cold or anything, just that tingling sensation of having legs exposed without any cover just made me feel… insecure?

It’s almost like the feeling of sleeping without a teddy bear or soft toy, you know, some people have that kind of attachment to something that they just didn’t feel secure without it… and sometimes knowing the fact that it’s much more of a superficial need than a real one.

Probably the existence of covers and teddy bears fills in the need for warmth, touch, protection, company and probably love? It’s sort of possible, thinking about it (probably doing a Google search on phychological …

What does it mean by “finding oneself”? What kind of people really had the authority to say that they have “found themselves”?

What does it really mean to be the “last love”? It doesn’t seem to be the end of love… nor it seemed to be the time when we are settled down with someone…

- the centre of being, a constant wishing -

The anguish is that I’m needed but not important, but what does “importance” really constitute of?