Now one more goal has been added to list: that I want to improve my health, fitness level and body shape :). I have drawn out my own schedule to make sure that I exercise at least one hour, 4 days a week. So I really hope that this will enhance my physical wellness.

Somehow I do feel like doing gradual changes in redefining myself, so to align myself with my own set of core principles and values in terms of body, heart and soul. And I can foresee that it’s not going to be easy in the short run — in fact I cannot rule out the possibility of danger. Not to mention that my core principles and values may be wrong, but I really wanted to take the initiative to improve my own lifestyle …

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Trying to make a dual tone hair colour (the reason I got it bleached :p),, but it turns out that auburn is too light to make a contrast statement. But now my hair has a more natural colour now, which at least compensates for that :).

But somehow this attempt is kinda disastrous, in a way, as I accidentally stained clothing and towel (luckily those are my least favourite ones), then when I tried to rinse it, the dye got into my right eye and nose O_O|||. And gosh that burns >_<. Washed that off using a lot of water, but when I rinse my nose, the water ran through my nostrils and the water come out from my mouth (OUCH!). Everything’s good now, I’m still feeling my eye and nose sore a bit …

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My will / dream

そっと目覚める
儚い想いずっと どんな季節(とき)でも願うよ
 あなたに届くようにと…

“あと少し”という距離が踏み出せなくて
いつも目の前は 閉ざされていたの
会いたい 会えない日々を重ねるたびに
 強いときめきは切なさになるよ

もしも永遠というものがあるなら
遠回りしてでも 信じてみたい
「不器用だからキズつく事もある」と
分かっても止まらない もう誰にも負けない

あなたの事を想う
それだけで涙が 今溢れだしてくるよ
儚い想いずっと どんな季節(とき)でも願うよ
 あなたに届くようにと…

強がる事だけ知りすぎていた私
だけどあの時から 迷いは消えたよ

見せたいと思うものがきっとあって
聴かせたい言葉も たくさんある
笑顔泣き顔も全部見て欲しくて
待っている私はやめて “チャンス”を掴むよ

あなたの事を想う
それだけで心が 強くなれる気がするよ
儚い想いずっと どんな季節(とき)でも願うよ
 あなたに届くようにと

あなたの事を想う
それだけで涙が 今溢れだしてくるよ
遠くて声が 届かないだけどいつかは
 必ず届くように

信じて ｌａｌａ…

---

[:: English Translation ::] by Takayama Miyuki
Source: http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/inuyasha/mywill.htm

Quietly awakening…
I always, always wish
that these fleeting thoughts
would reach you…

Unable to move forward across “just a little more” distance
The way I see before me is always blocked
Every time the days I want to see you but can’t pile up,
My strong heartbeat turns into heartbreak.

If there is such a thing as “eternity,”
I want to believe …

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OK, real entry about yesterday 😛 (triple post, woohoo :p). Anyway, just started out my workout regime yesterday morning in the fitness club with Sze Hau. 😊 And it’s the first time I find myself having to actually wake up at 6 in the morning without any help from others (OK, maybe not: I still need that alarm clock). But I’m so excited and motivated to just go out and have my muscle stretched. And Sze Hau is definitely being a great friend to give the support I needed (directly and indirectly) ^-^. I’m really thankful for that :), and I really wanted to know how to repay his kindness :).

The first day is definitely a great struggle to me, as I have TOTALLY no idea how to use those machines, how should I exercise, what …

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Today not only marks one of the most important days in Malaysia: The day of her independence, it also marks the end of this month’s nation wide mega sales carnival. And the despite the fact that I’m getting myself into high waters (and mind you that I said that with the fact that I just received my pay check, which is definitely enough to ring a lot of panic alarms), I went out today for some, um… last day bargain shopping spree XD.

Anyway, I only bought stuff for my fitness commitment: I definitely need tracksuits as I never actually own any of them up until now XD. So for the time being, I got myself some three-quarter length sport pants (Note: Umm… does anyone know what these pants are actually called? ^^”), a …

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Just for some safety reason, here’s the short, friends-only part of the entry:

How shall I put it… I just feel that I’m much better off focusing most of my energies on finding a male partner instead of putting myself in a see-saw of my own bisexuality. (Or to some, the “stop-beating-around-the-bush” label means that I’m gay) It’s not really that I’m closing the doors of possibilities for myself to have a girlfriend, but up until now, I’m able to meet a lot of interesting guys but I have yet to notice an outstanding girl who would have glued me down as much as some of the guys I know (I have yet to see a female version of the same standards, or being close to the standards, of …

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Slow day it is today as I’m staying back at home to work on some web design today. Nothing much happened yesterday either as I find myself buying Fruits Basket 10 and 11 for myself and Fuushigi Yuugi Part II 4 (FC Premium edition, which comes with a mini drama CD) for my sister. Still need to get the Chinese edition of Fruits Basket 17 before I mail it to her :).

Then I got my portrait shoot of my family during my graduation:

(I guess I didn’t need to do much explaining: my mother is on sitting on the left while my father is on the right)

Then I bleached my hair again, now it takes more of a bright orange hue.

Other than that, I have been sneezing very badly today, probably …

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I bumped into LJBooks from an advertisement, which claims to convert your LJ entries into a PDF, which can in turn be published as an eBook or sorts.

That idea sounds pretty nifty to me :).

These few week has been hard for myself: not because of others but because of myself. Getting over with my attachment to my past feelings isn’t as simple as I thought: Everytime I thought I gotten myself over with it, my feelings just strikes backs, telling me “OH NO YOU DON’T!”. My attempt to stick “label” with regards my relationship to these very people (say… from love to friends) is almost close to impossible as it’s only a form to cheat myself and covering things up.

Only I notice that facing my real feelings is one of the hardest challenge that I have faced so far… Only I notice that my “love” seems to me like a possessive nature… which isn’t actually love after all. Only I notice that I have …

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是否是要把脚步停下来，才能看到身处何方？

在疲累的时刻，抬头一看，看到了闪烁的星星。

Is it that the footsteps have to be ceased, in order to see where we are?

At that moment of tiredness, lifting my head up, I saw the shining stars in the sky.