Two days back home, just a good place to exercise my complete laziness.

Like… lying on the sofa for hours, watching anime, making trips to the fridge… Not really feeling like entertaining anyone during that time, just wanted rest completely.

Some springs were wounded too tight all this while, I suppose? Even now I still haven’t feel really recharged.

Ah well…

Speaking of which, our house is almost done, all the bricks are in place, all it needs is just all the minor details which makes it beautiful instead of just being mere useful :).

Very short story cut shorter: I work on my PC so late that when I actually go out to get the bus tickets home, it was already sold out ^-^||.

So, I’m still here in PJ, but I got the tickets for tomorrow at 9, so I definitely need to wake up early. I’ll miss the mountain hiking, though, so… well, I’m guilty to admit this but it’s definitely a good thing ^-^|||||.

In other news… I’m starting to dabble around with Chinese/Cantonese pop music. So been spending some time browsing through the budget corner to fish some good deals :p. The only thing now is that I’m not that good in identifying which are originals and which aren’t (unlike my keen eye to avex releases XD), but that …

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Poems have always my favourite form of creative writing, and I still remembered how much I enjoyed that format every since I was in Form 3 in secondary school :).

Browsing through my collections of poems that I have written in LJ, as condensed that words seems to be, but the overflowing emotions are still well retained after all the time and tide I have been through.

Somehow I wonder whether these poems are that expressive, or that some things never changed? ^-^||

As I read them through, I was kind of thinking… whether is it possible to give them some form of melody to go with it? All this while, my poem writing style did somewhat resembles the structures of song lyrics (JPop/CPop), that really made me curious :).

There’s a lot of stories behind …

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I got this small, invisible wound on the tip of my tongue that I can’t talk or eat without feeling slight tinges of pain. >_<||

So pretty much I tried to keep my speech as frugal that I can make it to be.

This is really annoying… I really hoped that it’d heal soon.

No way to say / 浜崎あゆみ

残された遠い昔の
傷跡が疼き出してまた
震えてる心隠して
 微笑みにすり替えた

いくつになっても相変わらずな私は
今でも臆病で
 強がる事ばかり覚えて行く

伝えたい想いは溢れるのに
ねぇ上手く言葉にならない
あなたに出会えていなければこんな
 もどかしい痛みさえも知らなかったね

少しずつ認め始めた
癒されぬ過去の存在と
拒めない未来にいくら
 怯えても仕方ないと

あとどの位の勇気が持てたら私は
大事なものだけを
 胸を張って大事と言えるだろう

確かな想いは感じるのに
ねぇいつも言葉に出来ない
誰もがこうして言葉にならない
 想いを抱えながら今日も生きている

伝えたい想いは溢れるのに
ねぇ上手く言葉にならない
あなたに出会えていなければこんな
 もどかしい痛みさえも知らずに

確かな想いは感じるのに
ねぇいつも言葉に出来ない
誰もがこうして言葉にならない
 想いを抱えながら今日も生きている

---

No way to say / Ayumi Hamasaki

English Translation from Divine Ayu

The old wound left on me
Begins to ache
I hide my trembling heart again
And pretend to smile

Even in my age now, I’m the same as before
As timid as before
I only learn how to pretend to be strong

Though my heart is filled with feelings to convey
You see, I can’t change them into words well
If I had not met you
I wouldn’t even have such an embarrassing pain

Little by little, I’ve come to realize
That my past never …

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Started up a MySpace MSN Spaces today, I haven’t really decided what to do with it, since I had my personal journal here and my technical and Japanese (planned) journal over my website.

But I do have a feeling that I’ll have something on it… currently the thing I had in mind is those ever changing MSN screen names which pretty much immediately reflects how I felt, what’s happening (indirectly) and those small little word nuggets that pops into my brain.

And… it’s like an empty space for me to store little trinklets in life which is too small to be covered in my LJ (even more minute than my Impromptu posts)… or probably small fragments of thoughts which is only a clause but never a sentence. And with some lists …

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Let’s see… my application to convert my study loan to scholarship was approved, which means that I have some slight financial room from now on… and probably I would need to wait a while to see whether they will refund my loan repayments in the past.

Then been spending time ripping my DVDs, I always wanted to have a backup of them, at least in encoded form and my new harddisk space allowed me to do so. But I do forsee that it’ll take a while before I get them all done, so the plan is let the conversion run by itself while I’m sleeping. I didn’t dare to switch on my compy when I’m off to work after a few storm related accidents and harm to my computer :X …

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Been facing the monitor for the whole day… literally.

Why? Just finalizing my Gentoo Linux project, I still need to install my graphic tablet though. Other than that everything else are pretty much trivial stuff, minor tweakings, that is.

I always wondered whether radiation from monitors would mutate my genes, though :p.

Total screw up yesterday! Thanks to my itchy fingers, I interrupted the progress of my ADSL modem’s firmware upgrade. Now I can’t access the administration panel of my modem at all.

Luckily the modem still works @_@. But GAH!!! Pet peeves of my own misbehaviour.

Now I almost got my PC configured nicely :), will be working on ideas of my own website.

Dead confused today X_X||.

Nothing much happened today… just felt that there’s a lot of things that I don’t understand… a lot of things that I don’t know how to express…