永远得不到是快乐吗？永远不知道是幸福吗？为了自己的“选择”，也决定了自己的快乐与痛苦。

或许在这一切无常的世界中渴望着一个“永远”，无论方向如何，也不能改变无常的真理吧！

若是那样…你的“选择”…会是什么呢？

Is the inability to attain forever a happiness? Is unknowing a blessing? Because of our own “choice”, it has also decided our own happiness and pain.

Maybe when wishing for an “eternity” in this ever-changing world of uncertainty, whatever the direction may be, the fact that everything changes cannot be invalidated!

If that’s the case… what you “choice” will be…?

若是明知道是不可能的东西，为什么却是那么渴望去追寻呢？

是否品尝过一份刹那不可思议，就永远不打算回头呢？

这…连自己也不清楚吧。

If it’s something that is known to be impossible, why I’m wanted to pursue it that badly instead?

Is it that I have tasted that momentary unexplainable feeling, and therefore decided not to turn back forever?

This… probably is something that I don’t know of.

Did something “suicidal” today (note the quotation marks), which breaks everything down within 30 seconds… one whole year of question marks has came to an end. Would it be better if I fight persistently? I don’t know, that’s only thing I know now is that the feelings are still there but I’d prefer to let things be. If the seed is going to sprout, it’d sprout eventually… at least that’s what I think at the moment. After all, I have failed to work things out the way I wanted to.

It’s a whole mixed bag of emotions, to be honest: sad because I don’t like feeling rejected, but yet at the same time feeling relieved from a burden that I have put upon myself. At least I don …

There are times when love and sex can be completely separate and yet there are also times that they are so mixed with each other.

And that there’s times when one may be confuse one over the other. At times like this, how one can actually tell the difference?

I wonder whether is it that I went shopping late or something, apparently it just seemed to me that male fashion is getting boring all of a sudden. I’m not sure whether is it because that I’m starting to become picky when it comes to clothes or that clothes for men has always been that boring, I just can’t seem to find T-shirt designs that was special, in a way. Or probably it’s only me didn’t go to more stores or that I can’t seem to find the right clothes that matches the impression that was in my mind. (to be honest, I don’t have any fixed ideas on my head, I usually just depends on my instincts in some way… as long it sort of give out …

What can be more boring than spending the whole Christmas reading? Well, that’s what I’m planning to do, really.

Or should I get out to resume my gym routine and finish my shopping for 2007…? But I think either way, it doesn’t really matter that much, as long I have fun in one way or the other, isn’t it? 😊 But seemed like I’m got used to being with myself? Hmm… guess that’s something on how different people look at the situation, I’d probably feel that it might be a bad thing if I’m in a lousy mood 😆 (well… based on my own observation in the past, anyway).

Probably I might as well complete my shopping later instead of having that thought dangling in my head :).

Anyway, it …

Phew… shopping is so tiring… but probably it’s due to the fact that I bought my books first and have them in my bag? ^^||

Anyway, been spending more money on books this year, and recently I just got more books on investment. I sort of wonder whether if I would be much better off if I got a library membership instead. -_-||

And so… it’s time for me to shop for 2007. Well… I wonder whether that pretty much implies that I rarely buy clothes and stuff ^^||. Well… I can’t find myself having occasions that I require a wardrobe full of clothes, so mine is just decent enough that it would embarrass myself, I guess. But even saying so, I only realise that things can be pretty expensive when I buy them …

It’s a very unproductive day today as I find myself slowing my pace down a little, but probably also due to the fact that it’s our department’s Christmas celebration today :). And as usual, we had Domino’s pizzas and our gift exchange event going on :). Nothing extremely shocking or surprising this year, but seems that we had more laughs this time. Among those crazy gifts were:

• A wall mirror
• A dart board
• A weighing scale
• A doll house… mind you that it’s a guy who is receiving it 😛

Guess I’m in a holiday mood or some sort. Definitely needed the rest I will be having (if nothing happens, that is :p).

Other than that, I just sorted out my financial plans for next years (more like my expenses plan, though …

Ugh… it was a pretty bad week, it’s like feeling sick for quite some time. With all the fever, throat infection, coughing, sneezing and headaches… probably that qualifies for “suffering”? Somehow it seemed that my immune system have broke down for some reasons. T-T

It became worse yesterday that I just have to take leave today just to rest and sleep. At least the good news is that I’m recovering fast…

Hopefully it gets better soon.

Feeling better now, been having a minor headache until now though -_-… I wonder whether is it because I face the radiation source way too long.

Anyway, it is reflecting time again. Rewinding back to my slump period, I’m still looking into triggers of different emotions. Somehow it’s pretty interesting to how certain words were capable to trigger some strong reaction within myself (may or may not be shown, but the impact was there which does cause a behavioural change or some sort). Guess I’m not one of those people who can really swallow down negativity and strong emotions ^-^||.

Speaking of which, the year end review is coming up. Guess it’s almost the time for me to prepare some long posts and hours of reading my own writings for this year …