Sort of thinking about the term “thinking too much”, the most common advice/reason (excuse?) that I have heard so far. It’s like “stop thinking too much”, the meaning seemed to be extremely vague… not to mention that the definition and scope of “thoughts” (as in “thinking”) is not entirely “thoughts” as what I knew it.

At least it would be more accurate that to say that “stop worrying so much” (I mean, I do admit that I tend to draw a lot of worse case scenarios before committing to anything… which may indeed qualify for me worrying to a degree of mild paranoia), but not “thinking too much”? I don’t know, it just didn’t make any sense to me. I mean, I do understand the great qualities of calmness and peace …

Thinking about it, sometimes it’s much easier to perform my best when I’m not all that concerned with the outcome and in a relaxed state. At times of panic and disaster, whatever “best scenarios” that was in my head just doesn’t seem to work out and having a better chance of screwing up.

Hmm… meaning that I must open myself up to practice and learn as much as I could from ordinary situations? Or something like that, I think.

There’s no simple way, that a hankering can go away.

- Endless (?) Search for a Fulfillment -

Nothing much happening these days, really. Mostly just keeping tabs with my own life as I was in a much stable emotional state (well… not to say that it doesn’t have its ripples) and there aren’t anything to do at work at the time.

I personally revise my financial situation and I think I finally able to accumulate my emergency cushion this month :). (at the moment my definition of it being 3 months take home pay and/or 6 months monthly expenses) It’s pretty much a great achievement on my part. At the moment I’m planning to stick to my current financial plan and expenses sheet for as long as I could and keeping any major purchases till next year. If everything goes according to plan, I think I’m able …

才发现，原来一早就已经失去了一切。 I only noticed, that I had already lost everything long time ago.

At the moment, the theme song of Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex was swirling in my head most of the time… a resonance within me, in a way.

A yearning of life… rising and falling… a constant longing…

Today’s nothing more than clearing away stuff and going to the gym, there’s no surprise if I end up tired now :p.

Anyway, I have been piling up too much mail (spam and not) and rubbish (mostly paper materials) that it’s just screaming to be organized for the past few months (yea right, I should heed those annoying voices long time ago). Spent an hour to get them sorted and packed all rubbish for recycling. Then have to iron my clothes and get rid of the “obstacle course” in my room. Still haven’t deal with the dust demons yet, which I definitely have to do it ASAP because my allergies were acting up again. Not to mention I have yet to get my room organized and sorted up.

I have always …

Phew, after a full 10 day hiatus from the online world, I’m now back. Not that I’m dead or something ^^||.

OK, it’s Chinese New Year all over again last Sunday and I went back to my hometown since last Friday. As for why I wasn’t online during the time when I was at my hometown: first, I’m fed up with dialup speed; Second, I’m either out with my friends or in front of the TV watching anime ^^||. Probably a good experience as I get to detach myself from the cyberworld for a while.

I spent more time with my family this year, probably because there was less activities with my childhood friends. Didn’t really get the chance to reunite with my friends, honestly speaking, save the minor few …

Maybe human pain were caused by no other than the superlatives: “Most”, “Eternal”, “Ultimate”….

But yet if the superlatives, if does exists, were to be achieved, pain, by common sense and logic, was inevitable at some point or the other.

Sometimes I do wonder… whether infinite patience is needed to really obtain the final answer needed? Just now my comprehension ability is completely defeated x_x||… guess my own limitations was something that needs to be accepted and do whatever I think is best, I guess. Somehow I just felt that words and thoughts can both be a bridge and a hindrance to understanding. But probably our minds (ego, or whatever) were the actual hindrance? ^^||

=_=||

Anyway, need to go to sleep now! Good night everyone!