Just came back from my hometown, with the twin day holiday thanks to an overlap of Labours’ Day and Wesak Day (both are public holidays in Malaysia). So spent three days back home. Nothing during three days, just me idling.

Everything was getting so similar that nothing was really worth mentioning…

Somehow… the main things on my brain at the moment is still the concept of happiness and the very place that I’m standing now. Somehow I have been reading Honey and Clover and I found myself extremely immersed and touched by it. All the small and subtle feelings and expressions about unrequited love was captured with such essence that it strung my heartstrings many times. It really brings out the complexity about human emotions and relationships, and I greatly recommend it (especially starting …

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Here’s the new artwork for 2007, which looked very different from my previous two avatars that I used (umm… at least the glasses design).

I definitely had screwed up this month’s expenses and budgets, I barely had any money left for my Cambodia trip next month -_-||. Well… not that I didn’t had my savings though, just knowing the fact that my indulgence for J-Pop for the month has pretty much effectively eating into my savings was not all of a nice thought ^^||.

But from the looks of it, it’s just inevitable that I’d end up digging into my savings. Guess that’s the payment of the lesson that I’m going to learn about budgeting: Great discipline necessary. But it’s just a small dent and I can cover it up provided that I don’t buy too much stuff for the next two months.

Other than that, I was on an “unexpected” day …

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Been hooked to Nodame Cantabile (のだめカンタービレ) anime lately, which had reignited my interest of classical music again. Personally I like grand symphonies performed by a full orchestra or piano music that captivates my emotions, and especially liking orchestral arrangement for game music a lot.

Coming back, that really enticed me to get the Nodame Cantabile Best 100 compilation album… only to be held back by the cost of it ^^||. But pretty much I would see it as a good way to introduce myself to classical music. Probably I would like the Romantic period, would need to read more on classical music, I think.

And definitely will be taking up piano courses again once I had sufficient funding :), not really sure whether electrical keyboards (which aren’t that expensive) can be used as a good substitute …

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In case anyone’s wondering how’s my weekend, all I can say is this: Drooling over nice furniture makes me want to buy a home badly. ^-^|| I was like, reading the furniture ads on the newspapers, strolling at the electrical appliance department store and noticing property for sale ads doesn’t help one bit. I sort of have some imaginary home deco running in my head and I can so imagine myself relaxed in a nicely done house.

Somehow I did had a few place in mind at the moment, but I’m a bit hesitant of getting them because: 1. home loans weren’t cheap, 2. it’s a 30-year long commitment, 3. with my requirement of having a nice location and only having a RM200K budget, most likely I’d end up …

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What “personal growth” was to me when there’s no road maps and place markers in front of me? What does it mean by “compromising myself”?

Albeit being two different questions, somehow I just felt there’s some sort of connection between the two. Well… I couldn’t feel “compromised” if I don’t have some sort of idea of the value of the things that I had, isn’t it? (you can also say things like vested interest, personal ego, etc.)

Not sure whether is it caffeine, just felt all hyper for the whole day today. A bit crazy, I might add ^^||. And currently starting to develop an interest to DesktopTD, that’s another Tower Defence game, for those who played that Warcraft III’s custom map before. Just that one game that I’m not supposed to play at work because it’d take my full concentration for the whole hour XD.

Anyway, at the moment I just want to fully relaxed while I’m capable to. Don’t think my dusts will settle down any time soon. ^^||

或许，喜欢到渴望的，只是一种感觉吧…

Maybe, the thing that I liked to a point of dying for, is merely just a feeling…

Will be at Genting for the whole week starting from today, so don’t expect daily updates while I’m there.

Not feeling all the optimistic about the trip today, mainly due to my depleting confidence in dealing with human communications. But somehow I didn’t really have much of a choice if I were to progress, so it seemed, so running away from it is not an option. Only thing I can do now is to face the challenge and see what happens next (still feeling anxious, though ^^||).

Anyway, this few weeks is going to be a hard one to me as my C.O.D.S. is being reactivated again. (for the uninitiated, C.O.D.S. stands for Crush Over-Dwelling Syndrome. A term that I coined myself during the course of my …

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NEVER EVER / 浜崎あゆみ

いつか生まれる前からきっと
変らないモノ探し続けては
見つけて 失って 時に
 人をキズつけた夜もあった

もしもたったひとつだけ願いが叶うなら
もしもたったひとつだけ願いが叶うなら
君は何を祈る
 この空に君は何を祈る

強く欲しがる気持ちのそばで
どこか諦め覚え始めては
見つけて 手放して 時に
 自分をキズつけた夜もあった

もしも君に差し出せるモノがあるとすれば
もしも君に差し出せるモノがあるとすれば
 変らぬ確かな思い

ほんの少しでも笑ってくれるなら
まだココに生きる意味もあるよね
ほんの少しでも求めてくれるなら
 まだココに生きる事許されるかな

もしもたったひとつだけ願いが叶うなら
もしもたったひとつだけ苦いが叶うなら
 君は何を祈る

ねえ もしも君に差し出せるモノがあるとすれば
もしも君に差し出せるモノがあるとすれば
変らぬ確かな思い
そう変らぬ確かな思い
 ねえここに

Translation

Lyrics translation from Divine Ayu

Sometime, surely since before you were born,
I was searching for something unchanging.
I’d find it, and lose it, and sometimes
there were nights when I hurt people.

If just one of your wishes could come true,
If just one of your wishes could come true,
what would you wish for?
What would you wish for, here, under this sky?

Despite my strong desire,
I started giving up.
I’d find it, release it, and sometimes
there were nights when I hurt myself.

If there were something I could give to you,
If …

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