There’s always barriers that clouds your vision towards true understanding, and breaking the one created by yourself will remove the first layer of understanding everything.

Originally posted as comments:

• From one point of view, being “alone” shows that you are capable to take care of yourself, that you know how to live your own life. So from that angle, it really deserves a pat on your back.
• The only depressing part is when “loneliness” kicks in. But that’s an emotion that you can decide whether you’d want to dwell in for long (and I know how hard that is).

• It’s really a two-person matter and getting two parties to agree upon this drastic change requires both parties to be emotionally mature. It’s really not like saying “We broke up, but we can still be friends, right?” will immediately shift the mental roles in both parties.

  This is what 99% of us thought that we have but …

加速的心跳，似乎在扫描着你的频率——总是希望在杂讯中寻找你的声音。

但似乎还是没法锁定好吧！因为在你身边，至今都还没跟到你的节奏。

The accelerating heartbeat, seems to scan for your frequency — Always wishing that I’m able to find your voice from the surrounding noise.

But it seems that I’m still unable to lock it down! Because everytime being by your side, I’m still unable to follow your rhythm.

总是含着泪水悄悄的祝福你，希望你幸福。

现在猛然发觉到：“幸福”的真正意思…到底是什么？

原来才发现到自己连“幸福”的定义也不晓得——才发现那份祝福也只是如此的表面虚幻。

才发现我原来根本都没有真正去了解你。

Always having tears welling in my eyes, I made a silent prayer, wishing that you’ll happy.

Now I suddenly notice that: What is the real meaning of “happiness”?

Only that I notice that I don’t even understand the real meaning of “happiness” myself — only that I notice that wish of mine is just shallow and illusionary.

Only I notice that I never actually tried to understand you.

For those who wonder what happened during the weekends: Nothing much except for a very nasty programming bug that I describe it as a very resilient, agile, cunning and fast “cockroach” — that my debugging attempt is like running around across the house, swatting it furiously with a slipper on my hand. And it seems that people (my mom, in particular) is really amused with that analogy of mine :p.

And it’s really funny that my mom describes our makeshift solution is like using insect spray that is only capable to make it dizzy. Heh heh :p.

Just feeling like jotting down what I felt this morning:

1. 心中那份对你的思念，似乎膨胀到让我感觉到心跳的痛楚。是无法对你倾诉的关系吗？一向来对你的暧昧似乎一直都吞了下去。

   才发现原来心情也可以让自己呛到。

   That thought of missing you, seems to have expanded to a point when I can feel the pain in every heartbeat. It is because I’m never able to express it? All the while I have been swallowing down my tenderness for you.

   Only I notice that emotions can also make myself choke.

2. 那份不成熟的胆怯，到现在都还没克服到，所以仍然在那段距离地望着你…所以依然还是进不到去你那小小的世界。

   Even now, I haven’t been able to conquer that immature feeling of anxiousness, and that’s why I’m still standing from afar seeing you… that’s why I will never be able to enter that small world of yours.

3. 有时觉得受不了心中那个颤动：是自己不甘寂寞吗？是不甘心永远只是和你走在对面的平行线？

   只能永远用双手抱着一份幻想吗？好像一直都是让自己活在不真实的存在…其实这种不实在的安全感，我已经受够了——受不了了！

   那一霎那间…爱的定义，我真的是完全不懂了…

   Sometimes I can’t stand that violent beating of my heart …

Is it really that important to get everything my way? Is it really that great that nothing bad happens?

Why the frustration? Is it that I’m unable to achieve what I wanted? Or is it that I’m feeling the anguish of how the external factors are out of my control?

Is it because that I feel defeated? Or is it that I’m swallowing the sour grape while I take no action to get what I wanted?

What is the difference between one’s desires and one’s life long goals? What’s the real meaning of hope…?

Somehow I’m feeling schizophrenic: As I feel like what I act differs from what I think/feel in my heart, especially those that involves the things that I cared for the most. Sometimes I …

I just seems that the more I read self-help books, the more I find that they underlying meaning of all these books are the same: The difference found only in terms of context and expression.

However, the intrudging thought is that… Are those “truths” are timeless principles, truth, reality, natural laws or whatever you wish to call it; or are they just only my own interpretation of these expression with my own frame of reference…?

“Unconcerned it seems, seemingly blending into the background with those watchful eyes.”

What differentiates between hopes and dreams?