Just packed my stuff, going up to Genting Highlands tomorrow, staying there for a whole week. Period.

Note to self: Next time, remember to buy travel size shampoo and conditioner. Probably hair gel as well. Meh… ._.

Probably will be feeling alone lonely for a few days, but I’m sure I’ll be fine. Definitely needs to learn how to loosen up some heart strings.

Anyway, Koda Kumi’s Best ~first things~ have its first run. It’s a great album, although I do have to say that it really reminds me of Namie Amuro :p. Probably it’s the music style and her voice. Honestly speaking although the tracks are solid, I can’t really remember any tracks that I can actually recall or stood out (real Emotions and 1000の言葉 doesn’t count …

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real Emotion / Koda Kumi

What can I do for you?

What can I do for you?
I can hear you
What can I do for you?

あの日ココロの彼方に 描いてた場所にいる
途方に暮れでたりする けれどもう戻れない

夢に見たカタチとは
なにもかもが違う
 現実には…眩暈さえする

リアルな世界に揺れてる感情
負けたくない
もうただ走るしかないこの胸に
聞こえてくる
 キミは一人じゃない

What can I do for you?
I can hear you
What can I do for you?

決して振り向きはしない あなたには頼らない
なにかがあれば必ず すぐに来てくれるから

いまぼくにできること
それは信じること…
真実なら この胸にある

リアルな世界に揺れてる感情
支えるのは
そうあなたが教えてくれたすべて
いまの私
 だから、一人じゃない

What can I do for you?
I can hear you

リアルな世界に揺れてる感情
感じても
あなたが目を閉じたならそこにいる
絆がある
 だから、一人じゃない

リアルな世界に揺れてる感情
負けたくない
もうただ走るしかないこの胸に
聞こえてくる
 キミは一人じゃない

What can I do for you?
I can hear you
What can I do for you?
I can hear you

---

English Translation from Anime Lyrics

What can I do for you?

What can I do for you?
I can hear you
What can I do …

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(Note: Yes, I know the subject sounds funny, but since calm can be used as a noun… :p)

Let’s see…

Feeling kinda silly these days, my emotions gets into a really fluctuating ground as I review the relationship concept. I don’t know how to say it really… the experience is completely different, as I’m more actively participating in the communication process, I guess. It’s still a damn bumpy ride, and I definitely have a good reason to feel shaky: because I really can’t see from which grounds I can really evaluate my progress and… nothing’s guaranteed in this attempt. There’s a possibility that I’ll end up back in square one or further back… but then again, I guess it might not be that scary as I have …

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A silent anguish in me, never content to only seeing your back always… as my own illusions are already covering the beauty of your reality.

This is what I realised through your innocent, truthful eyes of yours.

Anything could happen, anything is possible. The only certainty is change.

That itself make every single cell in me tremble… Who knows, the next minute I’ll achieve my goals, or conversely I would lose everything that I hold dear.

Is it an attachment of security? Or is it that I fear of the possibility of the worst possible scenario?

Only to realise what I’m clinging onto is not reality but only an illusion of perception.

- Trust, but tether your camel first -

Real life update 😛 (Gosh, gotta to do more of these these days 😊 ), which give some background information about how the thoughts came from.

Anyway, it’s back to work, and the stress is creeping back at me. Well… I wouldn’t call it stress because it’s much more self inflicted than real stress. You know, being a bit of a perfectionist + control freak can really grate my nerves… you know, seeing things doesn’t go what I have planned it to be, worrying that if someone would get upset or that if I get screwed, and the thing about “conforming to one’s performance standard”… those kinds of things.

It really scares me because some of the “worst case scenarios” in my head can get more than just… umm, scary :p.

However, somehow I …

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Being more conscious and aware with my own being, I’m starting to realise and notice how imperfect I was. Through witnessing more and more of my actions, I’m starting to notice even I myself commit myself to mistakes that I have criticise others about — tons of them, in fact.

Just as I thought I have perfected the art of my own doings, being instantly aware and witnessing my own actions made me realise all my own mistakes and imperfections.

A lot of fragments to pick up, so it seems. ^-^” Seems that my own unawareness, ignorance and ego does cloud my own perception all this while.

So back to square one and learning all the basics. 😛

From my newsletter subscription:

Do you speak to your kids this way?

Written by Bart Baggett
Source: Handwriting University Weekly Strokes, 10 November 2005

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came as no surprise to my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree, swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn’t realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I …

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原来自己一向来希望的，并不是得到；而是不要失去。

I realised that all this while, what I wished for is not “getting”, but “not losing” it.

想着…或许，永远都不能够把自己真正的心声传达给心中最在乎的人。与其说是迟钝，那还带有胆怯的气息才更加糟糕吧！

所以…或许，永远只是傻乎乎地，眼睁睁地看着你的身影擦肩而过吧！之所以在你身边，总是觉得患得患失的惊惶失措吧！

呵呵…或许，自己永远都不愿意承认自己有一点不现实的浪漫情结吧！

＊现在仍然在学习着如何活到勇敢一点。＊ ^^”

Thinking… Maybe, I’ll never say my real, heartfelt words to the people that I cared the most forever. Instead of saying that’s being slow, having an extra taste of timidness makes it even worse.

Therefore… Maybe, I’ll only be able to see you passing by me forever. That because every time I’m by your side, I always feel a little bit panicky with worries of losing you!

chuckles… Maybe, I’ll never admit that I have that unrealistic attachment to romanticism forever!

Currently still learning how to live more courageously. ^^”