Mine came in the form of a Facebook game, Bejeweled Biltz. Knowing Popcap had a long string of addictive casual games, I should have known better. It does not necessarily come in the form of a game (for most I suppose it’s managing a farm); it could easily be any activity that contribute extremely little or no value but to show some form of “busy-ness”.

Usually it’s a bad sign when such distractions happened too often.

That’s my way of describing my uncertainties and my fear of the unknown.

Please suggest a more empowering image that I could draw upon when such a feeling arises: you know, so to make my leap of faith easier. I’d be extremely grateful for that :-).

Fresh out of college, I had always dreamed of becoming a millionaire. “With such amount of money, I’d then be financial free and I could a care-free life!” With that rosy goal brewing in my mind, I would constantly imagine of the things I could do with such an amount of money: the fancy studio apartment unit, the beaches I could go to, how proud my friends and family would be…

So I took the obvious path as all the kind adults has pointed out to me: study hard and land a job at a well-known, large-cap company. And the next thing I know, I got lucky – I got a prize in a programming competition and I landed my first job at one of the most prestigious IT companies in Malaysia. Just the mention …

Nothing beats hard numbers to measure progress objectively, isn’t it?

I find this thought empowering as it highlights the importance of managing my money and my future progress well. It is also a good guide post on how fast am I progressing and tells me the gaps towards my ideal lifestyle.

The word “score” also had the hidden idea that money is just one aspect of the game of life. Every game has our team, our supporters, our opponents as well as the experiences that we create together. It’s not only the competitive spirit but also the aspect of the greater values we treasure in life: teamwork, respect, practice and fun.

With that in mind, that gives me the push to enjoy today and do whatever it takes to grow.

They call it the “creative block”: it seems to be a common disease among the creators.

Causes? Too many to list: mostly psychological.

It could be a battle of perception: either towards ourselves, our art or our imaginary responses we could get. The demons within, they say.

Or it could reflect our own nature: energy levels, enthusiasm and emotions. Things that we thought we are completely overwhelmed by and out of our control.

Most likely we are standing behind these excuses and blatantly denying the reality of our own weak-will.

If you insist that it’s not due to weakness, maybe you aren’t trying hard enough. Arguing against that would mean you are contradicting yourself.

Trying hard doesn’t mean forcing art – it’s about taking action to remedy the problem. Maybe we just …

This art is inspired by a gushing sense of loneliness as I was waiting for a bus on an empty bench. Emotions is like a weird, oblivious friend at times that invite themselves into the house whether you wanted them or not.

Looking blankly at the empty seat beside me, I’m starting to imagine: what if there’s an imaginary friend sitting next to me? How would he look like? What conversations would we strike up before we have to part ways as we go into different ways? As loneliness induced state-of-mind abhors a void, my mind conjures an imaginary scene to augment an undesirable reality.

As I was contemplating the scenario imaginary exercise, a zen-like feeling struck me and I ended up with this illustration with a grammatically weird quote.

… not that I’m able to say it out loud without being stared at.

P/S: to suspecting or surprised friends who are reading this: there’s nothing wrong with your eyes.

When we were children learning how to draw, well-intending adults feed us with unsolicited instructions such as “draw things like it really is, like a photograph”, “don’t colour outside the lines”, “Winnie the Pooh is yellow, not blue”.

Unknowingly, these limitations imposed by people who didn’t know art better starts to bind our creativity.

The thing about creativity is that to maximize its potential, you have to introduce some form of chaos – elements that break pre-made molds and templates and are completely unexpected, unconventional, counters tradition. Sometimes you just have to colour Winnie the Pooh blue to convey certain scenes such as night-time or that you intended the use of blue to symbolize something.

For those who understood such chaos will be appreciate it as a form of art. For critics there’s …

It’s extremely easy to fall into the trap of being extremely self-critical. Especially when my confidence is completely battered down.

It’s extremely easy to underestimate my own abilities. Especially being in a hyper-competitive world which everyone seems fixated into succeeding.

It’s extremely easy to find myself feeling overwhelmed when I’m hypersensitive to how others perceived me. Especially if it involves the thought of fulfilling other people’s expectations and not my own; if the “punishment” of not being able to achieve something is the potential shame that I have to endure.

Keeping the feeling unchecked, I find myself achieving nothing: so fearful that I shrink away from making any decisions or taking any actions that I know that I should be taking.

Hence it’s important to listen to that lizard …