No, it’s not about me :p.

Just that when I came home, I just saw Leslie (one of the stray dogs being adopted by my aunt) lying on the lawn rather… well, unenergetically. That seem to tell me that something had happened. And indeed it was, as my aunt told me that both of her puppies has already been adopted.

Rewinding back, Leslie was a stray dog, by her looks and the breed of her she seemed to be abandoned by her owner. Just by chance she liked to hang around in my aunt’s house, and since my aunt had quite a fonding to her that my aunt allowed Leslie to drop by and roam around in the lawn.

One day Leslie gave birth to her puppies in our lawn. Only two of …

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很多时候，往往只懂得去想“若自己爱上一个人时，该怎么做？”，却往往忽略了“如果一个人爱上我时，该怎么回应？”

- 爱与被爱 -

A lot of times, we only knew how to think “if we love someone, what should we do?”, but we always forget the question “if someone loves me, how shall we respond?”

- Love and Being Loved -

Few shifts in life… Feeling slightly in the blue, really. Seemingly normal, but still little ripples passing through the heart, wavering with emotions.

Apparently my internal gears got suddenly shifted that suddenly I felt that all the thoughts about love is… complete crap. How should I explain this… It’s like,, after living in between two different extremes, then as time passes by they start to blend together to a certain grayness that… it’s just hard getting used to. Not that I hated it or anything, but it did made me a little bit uneasy as it starts to place everything around me into some sort of a different perspective.

Looking back through the past few weeks… or probably months, sometimes I did wonder whether I’m tricking myself when I’m saying that …

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有哪个曾经爱过的人没受过任何伤悲呢…？这个我可不晓得，只懂得自己已经不是那种人了。

曾经彻彻底底地痛哭哀嚎，曾经让自己陷入完完全全地黑暗。

…到底我自己如何捱过，我也不记得。是完全依靠天生生存的意念吗…？

至于现在，自己默默地喜欢一个他。到现在，好多好多时候，还会心生不少疑念：究竟从一般的角度来看这段感情是不可能的。

…到现在我如何捱过，我真的是不知道。只记得一次又一次的看到你的当时，一次又一次所有复杂的念头就完完全全地被沫灭掉。

好不可思议。

所以到现在自己还是那样，默默地耕耘着…即使结局已经是不可能，即使又再彻彻底底的失去，我也再所不惜。

…因为我找到了爱的存在…

How many of those who have loved before didn’t experience sadness…? This, I don’t know. I only knew that I’m not that already.

Cried totally before, let myself fall into a dark void before.

… How did I manage to survive, I also can’t remember. Is it that I lived by my survival instincts completely…?

Coming to the present, I secretly love someone. Up until now, a lot of times, my mind still has a lot of doubts: It’s not surprising that it is based on public opinion that this relationship is impossible.

… Up until now how did I manage to hold through, I really have …

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Through time and tide, through happiness and pain, the tingling pain seems to remind of the broken chains around me…

… What’s next is all about decision and action…

OK, let’s put this straight: Sentimentalism will NOT make things better, especially on days that I have come to identify with “romanticism”.

Woa! Big words that I thought I’d never use in my life XD.

Anyway, somehow thoughts get drifted from time to time, but never recorded down… issues are still the same, questions remain unanswered… Still walking on the path continuing on my own journey within.

Months passed by, as I still tending my own little garden and taking good care of myself. From time to time, I feel a little bit panicky, a bit anxious, seeing that flowers were not there yet. It really took me a lot of time and effort to clear away my disappointment and anguish.

Someday, probably, flowers will bloom, eventually.

越是想去了解，反而越是觉得难以捉摸。

The more I tried to understand, the more harder it is to achieve understanding.

Valentine’s day in one more hour. Will not be expecting anything, but any pleasant surprises on that day are greatly welcomed :D.

Wondering whether I want to get something (for myself) to indulge tomorrow :)…?

This week can be simply described as peaceful - simply everything goes on the same after my CNY break.

Of course, that doesn’t mean no changes around me really as things goes on as well with other people: some good, some bad, and some unpredicted accidents. But I’m glad everyone’s OK, just that this temporary separation and knowing what happened during this gap made me understand better that nothing can be entirely sure and that there’s a lot of things beyond our control.

… Just feeling grateful with more things now :).

Behind every reflection lies a complete different perspective… a different side never noticed.