OK, the more serious side of me:

Just right after I posted the entry yesterday, a lot of feelings flooded back to me… bringing a lot of pain and despair. The last sentence really gave me that sudden flashback… back to four years ago when I had my first crush with Ching Horng… or probably seven years ago when I first exposed to the question of sexuality.

Thinking about it, there’s nothing about these events in relationships that really made me despair… but it’s the internal and personal aspect that really made me feel the pain. During those times, I have put myself in a very serious dilemma as I constantly have to fight between “getting what I want” and “respecting others”… Or so I think is “respecting others”, because that’s only …

ARGH! I’m going to need these sometime in the future:

1. A new CD shelf
2. Another bookshelf (Actually I need it now as half of my book collection is taking up floor space)
3. A new MP3 player… of a larger capacity

OK, longer story.

Just grabbed four new albums: Favorite Blue’s Missing place, Folder’s 7 SOUL and Suzuki Ami’s SA and Infinity Eighteen Vol.2. I grabbed them off from the budget section, which cost me only around RM30 for four albums. Talk about cheap :), I really don’t know whether this is a blessing or a misfortune, because the tendency of having these Japanese CD ending up in the budget corner means that records stores are much reluctant to import any Japanese CDs ^-^||.

But anyway~ coming to the topic, the reason …

Starting to move some furniture downstairs. Moving heavy furniture isn’t easy, but it’s really fun as we cooperate in getting one of the metal DIY shelf disassembled and moved it downstairs :).

Organized my table a bit, probably thinking of shifting down ASAP as I really don’t want to have have one to-do item linger in my brain for too long XD.

Other than that… it’s pretty much about myself of thinking how much longer I can keep this feeling towards someone to myself… we’ll see how things goes on. 😊

Things are shifting around, both physically and mentally.

Physically, we are shifting office, starting from tomorrow. I really have no idea how to pack my stuff as I found that I hoard too much on my desk ^^||||.

Mentally… well, made some adjustments in life: picking up fragments, put them in a container and shake them up to see whether they make a solid mix. (Chemistry and physics, anyone :p)

Trying a different approach in handling things in life, if that’s a good way to put it :).

Is it that I’m making things harder for myself? Is it that I’m actually the one who is sending mixed signals and inconsistent behaviour?

These days I really feel like a klutz as I stumble through the process clumsily. ^-^||

为什么不敢去贴近？为什么不敢去确认？

自己害怕些什么？是失去吗？还是得到？

为什么越是喜欢你，反而越是胆怯畏缩？

自己害怕些什么？是幻想吗？还是事实？

Why I’m afraid of getting closer? Why I’m afraid in finding out the truth?

What am I afraid of? Is it of losing? Or is it of getting?

Why is it that the more I liked you, the more I become timid?

What am I afraid of? Is it of fantasy? Or is it of reality?

Received this song from a friend:

林宇中 - 靠岸

[曲：李志清 | 词：林秋离/张丽念 | 编：吴庆隆]

你坐在我身边 可是表情很不自然
聊的话很半凡 却很悲伤
你说你不相信 活着就足为了梦想
甚至你更怀疑 什么是地久天长
咖啡麻醉不了孤单 只会让心更烫
哦都一样 所谓梦想 终究飘飘荡荡
在迷乱的台北流浪 寻找一个幻想
突然很渴望在我身上 找到你要的靠岸

这一刻 当我们都感觉到彼此的心愿
爱情早已经开始 思念早己经蔓延
咖啡麻醉不了孤单 只会让夜更长
我也一样 飘飘荡荡 眼神交换迷惘
在冷漠的台北流浪 找一个避风港
突然很渴望在你身上 也找到我要的 靠岸

Translation (by yours truly ;), it’s kinda rough as some Chinese expressions are really hard to translate into English):

Lim Yee Chung - Alongshore

You sit by my side, but your expression looks very unnatural
All the conversations are very oridinary/common, but also very sad
You say you don’t believe that to live is completely for the dreams you had
You even suspect what “everlasting” really is
Coffee can’t make you forget about loneliness, it’ll only your heart burn even more
Ooh~ (It’s) the same …

Constantly learning means that mistakes have to be made.

Went to a one-day nature trip with Sook Lan and Yuan Hui today, so it’s like… I woke up very early today, a groundbreaking 5:50am. Reached the lobby of our office building at around 6:50am and we departed at 7:30am.

Feeling at that moment: Quite excited and with anticipation. The agenda: Touring and visiting fruit farms and visiting some of the local food processing factories and businesses, such as potato chips and fish balls, in Tanjung Sepat

First stop, A dragon fruit/pitaya farm. It’s quite interesting because dragon fruits are planted locally only recently, and we got to know more about this cacti-looking plant. And the best part: It has beautiful scenery and some beautiful plants and flowers. Somehow I took tons of photographs like a photographer for documentary …

First shock in the morning: the bathroom is in a mess when I woke up! O_O Reason: One of the hook was torn off from the small bathroom cabinet (you know, the one with a mirror in front of the sink?), causing the whole thing crashing down with all the stuff scattered on the bathroom floor. Apparently the ceiling leaks when it rained during the midnight and the wooden back of the cabinet kinda gave way (considering that it’s an old cabinet)

Then it’s pretty much cleaning up time and I did my chores while I’m at it.

Then later in the afternoon I went to the developer meeting at KLCC. Met up with Sze Hau and Wai Kiat (his friend, see presentation night entry), expect to get a very smooth event …