或许，是不了解爱吧！

所以，才不敢去爱那些真正懂得爱的人。因为他们是不可能被占有，反而自己会被他们的存在所占据。

至少自己那么认为。

Maybe, it’s because of not understanding anything about love!

Therefore, people didn’t dare to love those who really understands love. Because they are impossible to possess them, and on the contrary one will be conquered by their mere presence.

At least that’s what I think.

There isn’t much room for coincidence, sometimes some small changes in me does reflect part of myself in one way or the other: which includes my own desires.

[Explanation::]

Recently many (myself included) did notice that I started to make some very indirect off-color jokes, sometimes the frequency toes the line. I have to admit that that’s something that I’m dealing with (internally) at the moment ^-^||.

Still finding room for expression, I suppose?

Some work related updates: Someone new came into the office today, which, in a way, have the looks like Daniel (Malaysian Idol 2 winner). And he better don’t know that I’m the one marking his paper during the competition (well… which will be known sooner or later anyway).

Then four of us, including myself, got a new PC to work with :D. That’s definitely good news because with 128MB of RAM (on the old PC, that is), it’s REALLY hard for me to open tons of applications at once. And large LCD panels are always tempting ;).

But the bad news is that I’m lagging very behind at work :(. The thought of it is only bound to bring nervousness and irritation. Red signals and challenges ahead!!! O_O||

In other news, I …

It’s that day again, seeing Theen Gee moving out. It’s been a very interesting month with him, well, probably because he’s the only one whom I can really discuss my drifting thoughts (or more like I refrained myself to go all long-winded over these kind of philosophical stuff :p).

So today, with the help from Chin Han (Theen Gee’s new colleague), we start to move out the stuff to his new home. And seeing that there aren’t much stuff to move, I thought that going to be easy and quick, and how wrong I am X(. Even for like… boxes of stuff which only fills the car boot and the back seat, and throw in a small computer table and a mattress , we only manage to get everything done after …

Somehow there’s a lot of thoughts in my head, seeing those never ending cycles in life… that what we are actually living is just merely running on a threadmill and going nowhere: Just running after the carrot in front of us.

At time like this, I always welcome some rethinking in life ;).

Anyway, my work progress is still sluggish X_X. I definitely need to get some work off from my shoulder at the moment, and that’s a challenge by itself ;). I will definitely need some space for my own personal skill development. One step at a time, that’s still the motto in my own life.

Just finished Gankutsuou (巌窟王), an anime re-imagination of The Count of Monte Cristo, thanks to the recommendation of my brother. Breath-taking watch indeed. 😄 The script-writer have sort …

The thing that strike me is that:

• There’s no point earning and saving so much just to keep a living corpse alive later in life. But is a financial safety net is a must-have in life or that’s just something that compensates for our own fears?

• What am I pursuing for? Money is known being not able to buy everything, fame and power is just a social illusion, love is not something that lasts till eternity, and nothing can be guaranteed to be attained in a spiritual enlightenment. Is it a happiness that is never attainable? Or that the act of pursuing is just an illusion has given us the impression that we are moving while we are really not?

• What is the ultimate reality? What is the real form of “Success” in …

Why the notion that kindness, happiness and forgiveness have to be sought from others? Is it really something that cannot be sought from within?

It’s been a few days, as usual.

My brother was discharged from the hospital last Saturday, and I purposely went back to see him. To be very honest I didn’t really feel like it as:

1. It’s only a week since I went back
2. I have lots of work to sort out and I’m WAY past my deadline
3. I’m very tired these days

…etc. etc.

But on the way home, I had time to organized my thoughts on this matter, and it’s just… funny how much excuses we can come up to avoid the real issue. Somehow, sorting out my own ramblings over something that I really loathed and carefully analyse the “reasons” that I had to explain my own negative attribution to something, I find myself digging deeper and …

Somehow, in one way or the other, I did sort of notice that my communication (as in speech and writing) have changed. And at some times, I’m felt a bit isolated, in a way.

Hmm… where should I start this topic…

I don’t know how to say this, just that pretty much these days I’m living on my own, in a sense. It’s really hard to describe that kind of observation, but it’s really like… day-in, day-out, I pretty much carried out my own life by myself. From planning budgets to working to having fun, I’m pretty much capable to enjoy everything… or at least being capable to live on my own with minimal help. And it’s not really a new observation as I tend to do things …

Things are going pretty well these days. Well… Probably because I’m not feeling frustrated when nothing comes along (i.e. no progress). It’s quite a good feeling: being in the valley and rest for a while. The waves of excitement will have its time when it comes.

At least that’s what I think now :p.

For some reasons, I just felt the urge to write more Japanese while I’m still learning it. It’s sorta weird expressing myself in a completely foreign language, not to mention that I have to piece my thoughts together using whatever word I found in the dictionary, without knowing any small little details and nuisances in itself. I’m still feeling a bit nervous since I can’t find a mentor or some sort to guide …