今天明明是和往常一样啊！为什么刚刚在车上的我突然很想哭了呢？

无明的悲伤，内心不知为何的刺痛…连自己也不晓得为什么。

…是真的受伤了吗？即使那只是一个小小的切口，还是会觉得痛吧…但似乎找不到适合的OK绷贴上去的样子。

就那么的一天，为什么一直会去期待一些令自己感到安慰的幻想－－希望从你身上得到一些温柔体贴：让我依靠在你的肩膀也好，轻轻却很稳实的握着手也好，即使是温柔几句也好…但眼看现在的状况，似乎很无理吧…虚伪的安慰解脱，我自己真的很不想要啊！

自己…真的是想要求的立场…都没有吗…？虽然不会后悔，但有时候还是会觉得难过啊！

Wasn’t today just like every other day! Why I felt like crying in the car just now.

The unknown sadness and unknown pricks of the heart… Even myself don’t know why was that.

…Is is really that I’m hurt? Even if it’s just a small cut, the pain can still be felt, I think… but it seems that I can’t find a suitable plaster to cover it up at the moment.

Just at this kind of day, why I kept on longing for some calming fantasies — Wishing that I’m able to get some tender and care from you: Letting me to find support on your …

好多时候，反复地问同样的问题，却没有得到一个真正的答复。

有时问久了，或许自己也气馁了，就没追究下去了，没在去问了。

之所以好多与你有关的东西，都算是自己猜测，甚至有时是凭空想象出来的东西。

无法肯定这是真正的事实，真正的你：这种对人怀有虚伪假想这样的感觉，很讨厌。

这个时候，才深深体会到，原来自己也是有错：每一句对我说的话，即使多琐碎也好，即使多虚伪也好，即使多讨厌也好，原来也是有“价值”的 －－ 就是那么希望去了解别人。

A lot of times, repetitively asking the same questions, but not getting a real answer.

Sometimes, it has been asked so many times, probably I gave up of asking myself, so I didn’t further pursue the matter, didn’t ask anymore.

That’s why a lot my perceptions towards you, can be considered as my own guessing, and sometimes it’s even my own imagination.

Unable to be sure this is the actual fact, the real you: this feeling of having artificial perceptions towards others, is really something that I hated a lot.

At this time, I can deeply feel, I myself is in the wrong as well: Every …

How much do I really need to know about someone that you really cared and loved? As much as I knew I don’t need to know every single detail of everything, and probably it won’t make much use anyway. But…

Been uploading some REALLY old artwork that I have done.

It’s pretty fun sharing those artworks that I had in the past: the days when I devote a lot of time drawing stuff and scribbling characters that I adore a lot. Although the artwork is pretty simple and not something that is impressive, the sort of rawness in skill is something that really captivates me: the feeling of youthfulness.

As my own skills improved, I personally find myself drawing less and less. Maybe that I’m losing motivation? I have other priorities? Or is it that I’m pretty frustrated at myself staying in that level of “good” but not “greatness”? Or maybe as time past by, I accumulated so much art and comparing it by amount with the stuff I have drawn lately …

昨天好像和他吵架，至少自己的感觉上是如此。当时的心情何等难受，自己当时很清楚。

吵架这回事，到底是真的还是自己多心了呢？还是那份短短的“Nvm”¹是那么的冰冷，让我感到更加痛心？

不晓得为什么，总是觉得在与自己重视的人的摩擦，自己好像永远都摆在劣势的感觉。似乎无论伤心也好，愤怒也罢，对你泄气或是大吐口水的时候，那份气愤不仅是朝向你冲去，同时也把枪头指向自己。一个人承受两个人的痛苦，这场感情战争已经不战而败了。

这种时候，真的是不知道如何去处理…バカみたいね（好像笨蛋吧）

It seems like I had a fight with him yesterday, at least that I felt that way. How bad I felt at that time, I’m fully aware of it.

That “quarrel” between us, is it really a fight or is it that I’m just imagining things? Or is it that short “Nvm” (Nevermind) seemed so cold, that really made me felt even hurtful?

I don’t know why, I always felt that when there’s some friction between me and someone I felt important, I was always in the disadvantage. Seems that no matter if I’m sad, or that I’m mad, when I spill them out …

今天我真的哭了，真是烂透的一天。

并不需要任何安慰，只是很想发泄一下。

就是酱子而已。

Today I really cried, (it’s) really a terrible day.

(I) don’t need any consolation, just wanted to vent it off.

That’s all to it.

Keeping things short:

• Mood fluctuations, but mainly work stress
• Got myself a new pair of glasses, which I won’t be posting photos now because I’m currently un-photogenic :LOL:. Anyway, my eyesight is facing a slight decline… but still it wasn’t a good sign. 😞 But I just got one of those thinner lenses which is claimed to have smaller degrees of distortion. And now, apart from an unusually clear vision (close to 20-20?), I’m still in the progress of getting used to views with lesser distortion 😆 (imagine when you switch from a normal, curved screen TV to a flat panel, the difference is more or less the same, albeit it’s not that obvious to the eyes)
• By accident, I went to one of those free outdoor concerts organized by My FM …

Spent a lot of time digging into my hard drive and post deviations (ala Deviant Art) like MAD!!! 😆

I don’t know, probably I’m currently just seeking of some sort of escape? Or because of some other reasons, but one thing for sure is that looking back at my artworks in the past is like going down the memory lane and look back at the past.

Surprisingly, I can still remember how these artworks were “born”: it’s sort of like memories that was not recalled most of the time but has remained etched since the day something was created. And through that, I’m still able to recall the feelings that I had when I have produced every piece of work.

As much as I didn’t drew much lately, all the arts …

Well… just thinking of a need to dump my own sketches somewhere, and so I had an account :).

The recent artworks I had done and posted on LJ was featured there in the “Scraps” section and I have added some comments to it. But, to be VERY honest, I wrote those comments for the sake of writing them XD. (well… not really, as I have put some thoughts into it and explains about my own experiences when I drew these arts. And these comments weren’t something that I would like to remember, hence it’s not in this LJ)

BTW, they are in full size (640x480) instead of 320x240 that PhotoBucket had made them to be (due to file size restrictions).

Some random doodling time again. Still trying to get used to write on a graphics tablet, and get all the strokes nicely…