Imagine you are just an ant, wandering around in search of food. And, apparently, you crawl onto a living carrier (a human, for example) unknowingly and was carried away to a very distant place.

What would you feel if you are crawled on unknown grounds… all alone? What would you do…?

Apparently that’s what I was thinking when I see that ant moving around aimlessly on my office desk.

If you had everything you wanted in life, is it a life worth living for or a life worth dying for?

… And so I went back to my hometown again on National Day’s eve (that’s 30 August for non-Malaysians). That’s pretty equivalent of four days of me being an manga-reading-amoeba.

Well, it’s not just about laying on my bed and just read manga though. During my days back in my hometown I have have three visits to the dentist. To cut everything short is that two of my wisdom teeth at my upper jaw was gone, and those two at the bottom got fillings instead of an extraction. The wisdom teeth at the lower jaw is grow at a diagonal angle, therefore the only way to get rid of them is by surgery. But the dentist said that since it didn’t hurt it’d be much easier to just do a …

自己到底需要多少的肯定才敢干脆的下手行动？好像好多时候因为追求“完美”而失去了它。

最害怕的并非其他，最怕就是自己放弃了自己。

How much affirmation do I need in order for me to take the chance and act? Seems like a lot of times because of pursuing “perfection”, I have ended up losing it.

The thing that I’m most afraid of is not of everything else, but that I have given up on myself.

Two day I have been sleeping without a blanket, and to be honest it’s very hard to sleep without one. It’s not that I’m feeling cold or anything, just that tingling sensation of having legs exposed without any cover just made me feel… insecure?

It’s almost like the feeling of sleeping without a teddy bear or soft toy, you know, some people have that kind of attachment to something that they just didn’t feel secure without it… and sometimes knowing the fact that it’s much more of a superficial need than a real one.

Probably the existence of covers and teddy bears fills in the need for warmth, touch, protection, company and probably love? It’s sort of possible, thinking about it (probably doing a Google search on phychological …

I think this is worthy enough to be shared, it’s in one of my newsletter I subsribed :):

Rule 3. Accept What Is Done Is Done by Richard Templar

Excerpt from the book Rules of Life, The: A Personal Code for Living a Better, Happier, More Successful Life by Richard Templar

People make mistakes. Sometimes very serious ones. As often as not, the mistakes aren’t deliberate or personal. Sometimes people just don’t know what they are doing. This means that if, in the past, people have behaved badly toward you, it wasn’t necessarily because they meant to be horrible, but because they were as naïve, as foolish, as human as the rest of us. They made mistakes in the way they brought you up or finished a relationship with you or whatever …

I had the feeling that I should have visited the doctor yesterday X_X. Been feeling pretty unhealthy today, with symptoms of a cold. So it’s like… having a sore throat (felt more like I had an infection or something), my body having minor sores all over and not feeling all that energetic.

And finding out the doctors around my area are all closed in the afternoon is not helping things out.

I still have to clean my room and do all my laundry, at least my health still allows me to do so. At least after cleaning the room I felt much healthier, I guess I have to sweep it quite often, knowing that my allergies are getting much worse than I thought.

Guess I’m having a “engine breakdown” of the body? Hmm…

Went out of shopping, thinking that I would feel better without the pollen around. Apparently it only got worse :(, with some minor headaches, sneezes and worse, stomach discomfort.

Signals to see a doctor if that doesn’t heal today. (which is most likely)

And, the reason: I need to buy the only thing in my August Mega-Sale shopping list which I haven’t crossed out yet: some unders! I had been wanting to buy them for quite some time as the most major annoyances that I had with the ones I had. It’s like… those were bought by my parents a long time ago (at least a few years, 2 to 5, I guess), and they really don’t know the size of my family jewel when expanded. cough cough So it’s really …

The whole morning I have been sneezing so uncontrollably that I just thought to myself that this is just not right. It’s like, I’m perfectly OK yesterday, and I’m perfectly sure that I didn’t make anything that would cause me a cold.

Then don’t know by what chance I notice the strong wind and the rambutan¹ tree outside, and it’s just not surprising that it’s blooming flowers.

And that just confirmed that I am allergic to pollen. That means that I will not have any fresh air in my room for some time (my room is JUST opposite the rambutan tree). Damn.

No work today, literally :). As the development server is currently undergoing a upgrade, so it’s just the perfect time for us to unwind ourselves in the office.

I sort of tinker with my thumb drive to make it a “mobile workspace”, and sort of picked up PHP along the way. It’s pretty fun at the moment, I would probably need to figure out what else I would love to have in my thumb drive.

I would really like to figure out how to get my portable hard drive to boot linux, but I suppose that can wait, at least soonest being tomorrow.

Other than that, there’s a lot more room for improvements and ideas to manifest, I can’t seem to figure out how these little fragments can fit in together seamlessly …