An idly day today as I take two days leave from work. Didn’t plan to go out anyway, so it’s like… four days living in a secluded world (indoors?)? ^^||

Most of my time was spent resting (or more precisely, sleeping), but I did, in some way reluctantly, move around to carry on my daily life and performing household chores that has been delayed in the past (my surroundings were in quite a mess these days ^^||).

More important of all is that I’m sorting out my photographs in my hard drive, it’s like they were already scattered around everywhere in my hard drive and I just have to reorganize them. And grouping them in one location was the easy part, the hard part is to figure out whether I had duplicates of …

Somehow I’m not particularly in a good mood today… somehow the feeling of some void within was still carried forward from yesterday. Or probably I just feel like… dead? Or probably less lively? Not really sure whether stress has caught up on me.

In other news, somehow I didn’t know why I’m getting so upset and irritated by a few work related call during this weekend. It’s like… it’s only a phone call or two which didn’t really last for more than 5 minutes, I can’t really think of a reason to really feel that irritated. Is it that I feel that my personal time has been invaded? Or is it that I have developed a dislike ever since the time that I felt that receiving “free computer …

As much I believe that I have repeated myself many times, I still had the same feeling of insecurity some where deep down: uncertain what the future lies. As the time my original thought of “going ahead for two years and decide what’s next later” draws nearer and nearer, in some way there’s an empty void there deep down… seemingly a lot of open possibilities.

Am I alone? Probably not. But it seems that from my perspective, I was. Probably in some way I have closed myself in? That’s something that I’m really not sure of.

Many twists and turns in life… it does made me having the impression that my life’s like a game with the outcome is a complete unknown: a mystery by its own right. What I …

害怕孤单，害怕失去，害怕死亡…想想自己一向都在害怕着这些“必然”。

这种感觉是多余无谓的吗？或许“真正的解脱”就在一念之间吧！

Afraid of loneliness, afraid of losing (something), afraid of death… Think about it, I have always afraid of these “inevitables”.

Is this feeling redundant and purposeless? Maybe “the real salvation” is just a will away!

This is really something out of the blue: I got myself a DVD writer :D. To be honest, it wasn’t on my top priority list (among all my wish list items), but just happened that:

• I found that my photo collection is piling up and I’m nervous without a backup
• I’m picking up the habit to download anime 😛
• Apparently this is one of the lowest priced items (excluding books and CDs) in the list

Just burned two DVDs just now and I’m glad that I have something to rely on when it comes to data backup :). But the only headache is that I still have a whole stack of blank CDRs… but well, the burner can support them anyway.

In other news, I had that feeling that chapter 6 is coming …

Thinking of life as a series of peaks, plains and valleys… Think back of the times when I was at different points at different times… All my emotions and thoughts…

Was there really a place that I’d call a paradise? Seems like as much happiness that I had, there was never a place that would made me feel like in paradise continuously…

Was there really a place that I really despise? Seems like at every single point of time, all terrains seemed to have something that I desired of that I can’t possibly be despising it.

Is this what we call as “discontentment”? That with it, wherever I go, there’d always a hell hiding somewhere? But it seems that discontentment is not something that we can dispelled by fight or flight. Then …

Been downloading anime lately, it’s been a while I really spent time to relax myself a bit.

Just finished downloading いちご100% (Strawberry 100%), and the whole thing just screams “HAREM!!!” at me XDDD. But putting aside my brain and asking it to stop labelling cliches, it’s just some simple fun and enjoyment :).

Somehow I didn’t really had a good day, actually… just feeling all screwed up with my work today. To some extent, someone who has a perfectionist tendency like myself do felt as if it were the end of the world and all my merits gone down the drain in one incident. I think that’s probably the same feeling when I scored badly in exams on several occasions…

To be honest, carrying myself through to continue to perform the task …

A short panic drive today, felt defeated at work today. Well… for the past few months I’m starting to see my own shortcomings in my technical skills and knowledge as well as on how to handle situations and emergencies. It’d probably be easier for me to handle if I were to stop at “I’m lacking experience”, but somehow I’m not really satisfied with myself.

I’m not entirely sure whether is it that I’m lacking focus, determination, intelligence and enthusiasm, or that I felt worn out throughout the year. Or probably it’s just my unrealistic expectation that everything should be smooth sailing and that I’m a perfect person who can just handle everything.

What am I really comparing against? Somehow I’m not really sure of the answer …

Reading from a blog that the ISP that I’m using has upgraded the speed limit for some of its subscriber, I was surprised that mine was upgraded to a 2MB download/512K upload connection :D.

… But on the downside, there are some difficulties during the past few days for me to access to Google and Wikipedia. Certainly those hiccups weren’t supposed to happen and that was a really big inconvenience to me. I have to resort to Yahoo! only to find out that their search results weren’t as good as Google’s.

Other than that, I have find myself using my graphics tablet more often. It’s been a while I have really drew anything, and it’s still fun as I knew it was :D.

And… I switched to another theme …

What is it?
That trembling in me
A dilemma
Of a burning desire