永远得不到是快乐吗？永远不知道是幸福吗？为了自己的“选择”，也决定了自己的快乐与痛苦。

或许在这一切无常的世界中渴望着一个“永远”，无论方向如何，也不能改变无常的真理吧！

若是那样…你的“选择”…会是什么呢？

Is the inability to attain forever a happiness? Is unknowing a blessing? Because of our own “choice”, it has also decided our own happiness and pain.

Maybe when wishing for an “eternity” in this ever-changing world of uncertainty, whatever the direction may be, the fact that everything changes cannot be invalidated!

If that’s the case… what you “choice” will be…?

Life’s going on as usual, with everything’s OK on the outset. Is it that I became stronger? Or that I didn’t really cared? Or I have gotten used to live with my heart wounded?

As much it’s not being expressed in anyway, I know that small sadness that sounds like a whimper, that ache that seems to have everything ground to diamond dust… those familiar little feelings within.

“…Life have to go on, no matter how the circumstances are at the moment…”

Is it that I’m starting to get used to this kind of feeling? Or is it that I have endured the greatest pain way before yesterday: rehearsed to a point that it seemed more bearable?

“… Am I more happier this way…?”

“… If I were to move forward, where …

若是明知道是不可能的东西，为什么却是那么渴望去追寻呢？

是否品尝过一份刹那不可思议，就永远不打算回头呢？

这…连自己也不清楚吧。

If it’s something that is known to be impossible, why I’m wanted to pursue it that badly instead?

Is it that I have tasted that momentary unexplainable feeling, and therefore decided not to turn back forever?

This… probably is something that I don’t know of.

Did something “suicidal” today (note the quotation marks), which breaks everything down within 30 seconds… one whole year of question marks has came to an end. Would it be better if I fight persistently? I don’t know, that’s only thing I know now is that the feelings are still there but I’d prefer to let things be. If the seed is going to sprout, it’d sprout eventually… at least that’s what I think at the moment. After all, I have failed to work things out the way I wanted to.

It’s a whole mixed bag of emotions, to be honest: sad because I don’t like feeling rejected, but yet at the same time feeling relieved from a burden that I have put upon myself. At least I don …

Well… I haven’t updated anything last week, but nothing worthwhile happened and I wanted a break from having drifting thoughts, so that’s what happened. ^^||

Last Friday was our company’s annual dinner and to be honest, well… it’s… pretty… boring -_-||. It’s like… everything is just OK: we had our dinner at one good hotel, but it’s not splendid; the food is nice, but they aren’t special (just a typical Chinese 9-course dinner); the entertainment were nice, but I’m not awe-struck; the prizes for the raffle draw were expensive (at least the main prizes), but they aren’t exciting. I mean, the whole event is just “good” but not great, IMHO… well, maybe I’m just expecting something more than that, I guess. If I were to count …

Here’s a review of last year’s resolution:

• Continue to expand FelixLeong.com: Probably focusing first on The Digital Blue Wave and the creation of Yappari! no Sekai de and ParaGroove! website, then working slowly towards the main site (PEDAGOGIES)

  Commentary: This is the ONE item that I had never worked on it this year :(. I’m not really even sure whether I had the interest to pick up web design as a hobby… well, I used to have the passion for that when I was 16-18. I’m not sure whether is it that I needed a greater drive or interest in order for me to do that… since I update my LJ more often these days.

  Hmm… I think I do need to dump the whole project and figure out something that …

I’m not sure whether I had mentioned it before, I always see things as some sort of calculated risk: if there’s something new in front of me, I wouldn’t jump right into it but to think it through carefully. If I’m sure that I’m capable to take up the risk and possible damages, then I’ll pick that up.

However, at the moment… there’s things that I wanted to commit myself in life, and yet I can’t seem to assess the risk properly and take action with any confidence. Which pretty much leads to an agonizing irritation within me… not liking the feeling of not able to take any sort of action that leads to something. As much it’s some sort of a very good protection to …

There are times when love and sex can be completely separate and yet there are also times that they are so mixed with each other.

And that there’s times when one may be confuse one over the other. At times like this, how one can actually tell the difference?

Yesterday I was there at 1 Utama (Malaysia’s largest shopping complex, doing my CNY shopping. And I was excited by the fact that I managed to buy all my clothes and a pair of new shoes within a short period of time, which does made me wonder whether I should have came here sooner in the first place. Well… at least I know where should I get my casual clothes next time :).

Then I proceed to the new year countdown event there, I’m not really the kind of person who’d enjoy concerts, basically my own motive is to see the firework display. Or probably I just felt out of place, as I see everyone around me were enjoying themselves and had fun with their friends and family. In contrast, I find myself …

“越是想去了解，反而越是觉得难以捉摸。The more I tried to understand, the more harder it is to achieve understanding.” — February 14, 2006

It’s that time of the year again! Attempt to look back, reflect on myself and perhaps do a little summary for all the entries that I have typed back in 2006. From memory, 2006 had been quite an interesting year with its ups and down. Although, to be honest, my life revolved around work and probably my small little world this year…that’s not really something interesting in some way ^^||.

Seemed that I spent most of my time writing drifting thoughts and impromptu posts: mostly revolving around personal issues, love and human relationships. But somehow, seeing the recurring themes and somehow similar messages behind them… seems that I didn’t really learn anything up …