At the moment, the theme song of Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex was swirling in my head most of the time… a resonance within me, in a way.

A yearning of life… rising and falling… a constant longing…

Today’s nothing more than clearing away stuff and going to the gym, there’s no surprise if I end up tired now :p.

Anyway, I have been piling up too much mail (spam and not) and rubbish (mostly paper materials) that it’s just screaming to be organized for the past few months (yea right, I should heed those annoying voices long time ago). Spent an hour to get them sorted and packed all rubbish for recycling. Then have to iron my clothes and get rid of the “obstacle course” in my room. Still haven’t deal with the dust demons yet, which I definitely have to do it ASAP because my allergies were acting up again. Not to mention I have yet to get my room organized and sorted up.

I have always …

Phew, after a full 10 day hiatus from the online world, I’m now back. Not that I’m dead or something ^^||.

OK, it’s Chinese New Year all over again last Sunday and I went back to my hometown since last Friday. As for why I wasn’t online during the time when I was at my hometown: first, I’m fed up with dialup speed; Second, I’m either out with my friends or in front of the TV watching anime ^^||. Probably a good experience as I get to detach myself from the cyberworld for a while.

I spent more time with my family this year, probably because there was less activities with my childhood friends. Didn’t really get the chance to reunite with my friends, honestly speaking, save the minor few …

Maybe human pain were caused by no other than the superlatives: “Most”, “Eternal”, “Ultimate”….

But yet if the superlatives, if does exists, were to be achieved, pain, by common sense and logic, was inevitable at some point or the other.

It had been years, yet I can’t seem to figure out what aching pain is. What is it that I hate about this pain… why is it that I wanted it to go away yet it can’t? Somehow the sight of a possible answer has yet to be seen…

Is it about losing the other? Losing the so-called notion of “love feeling”. But in a way I knew that I have overcame that but yet the pain is still felt. Is it because of my insistence to associate this unknown pain as an “emotional” one? But thinking about it, if I have knew that it’s not the other who causes the pain, then the responsibility can’t be on anyone but myself. But somehow I can’t seem to get it right …

Sometimes I do wonder… whether infinite patience is needed to really obtain the final answer needed? Just now my comprehension ability is completely defeated x_x||… guess my own limitations was something that needs to be accepted and do whatever I think is best, I guess. Somehow I just felt that words and thoughts can both be a bridge and a hindrance to understanding. But probably our minds (ego, or whatever) were the actual hindrance? ^^||

=_=||

Anyway, need to go to sleep now! Good night everyone!

Their so called: Singles’ Awareness Day. Just got my package with Sweetbox’s Adagio, We Love TechPara and Ultra’s Stadium: just good timing as my valentine’s day gift to myself. But I knew it’s only much as a temporal gratification as worldly possession can do.

One thing for sure is that TechPara is certainly making me feel dizzy. @_@ It’d take some time for me practising to really get a gist of it. Definitely need to know how the generic song structure goes.

Somehow I have been thinking about the comment “Your smile seemed fake”, this was commented to me from a few friends of mine over a span of years. As much I’m not sure whether is it like I have always been like that thing or it’s …

When you say “(S)He’s my everything”, do you really know what “everything” really meant? For one thing it might mean that you’re just nothing more than just an empty shell.

Not in a good mood today, things just seemed a bit bleak to me. Somehow been thinking, there’s quite a lot of things and arguments that I have been thinking, which through logical deduction and piecing together various pieces of my own memory and experience seems to disproves and invalidates the existence of positive things. And that all the good, beautiful, positive things that I knew may as well be a fallacy on its own. Probably in another way of putting it is that whatever pleasures that come through our senses, once looked into deeply, was nothing more than just a temporal satisfaction of our own desires and only a validation of our own egos and expectation.

But yet, despite that, I also come to a mutual contradiction in which I knew and experienced …

A gift bestowed on someone, can be both a blessing and a curse: as things and power is neutral and distinction and discrimination only comes from our own perception.

Therefore… it all comes down to how this gift is manifested… forming the “world” and giving insights on the true nature of “form” itself.

- the formless -