是否有想象过，渴望着“完美的情人”呢？一段似乎天衣无缝的恋情呢？

虽然如此想过，却始终无法成为你的完美。或许永远无法达到你的条件吧？或许早已经伤痕累累，最多也只能成为你的负累吗？

试问自己有那一天没想过你？似乎没一天不为现实感到无奈。似乎每一天都为别人能够轻易地从你身上得到我想要的东西而感到又羡慕又妒忌。

是自己无能吗？还是有些东西真的是可遇不可求？或许是后者吧，究竟还是不能勉强或命令人家的东西。

是真的很不甘心…

在这种状况中，自己能够做些甚么呢？希望些奇迹似乎太奢望了吧…希望这另一个“他”的出现也不是一样吗？

那所谓“爱”的养分，仍然还是寻觅着…

Did you ever imagined and desired “a perfect lover”? One love that was seamless?

Although I have thought of that before, but I never be able to become your perfection. Maybe (it’s because) I’m unable to fulfill your requirements forever? Or that I’m already scarred all over, at most I can be is your burden?

Trying to ask myself, when I never thought of you? It seemed that there’s no one day that I didn’t felt helpless towards reality. It seemed that everyday I felt jealous about the things from you that I wanted badly which are so easily obtainable by others …

Still dealing with my issues with communications and dealing with people (read: users and people who I’m supposed to cooperate with).

Today’s pretty much a tiring day, setting up the environment for testing next week. Thankfully Eng Lee was with me helping out with everything, it’d be extremely tiresome doing everything on my own. Not to mention that having the monitor on the carpeted floor means that my neck is definitely strained. Ouch…

Somehow the situation is really stressing and shaking up my ideas of my own comfort zone. I mean, it is a defensive mechanism all right, but the challenge is to know what were false alarms is an art by itself. To me, dealing with people was the my least exercised skill throughout my whole life and asking me to …

Today’s a mess, at least to me. As I feel dealing with people while threading on delicate matters was extremely overwhelming to a point that I felt beaten. And I really hate if I screwed up something (but definitely I had screwed up myself many times over). It’s still the greatest barrier/challenge that I’m still finding myself struggling to overcome.

At the moment, to be honest, I’m not feeling optimistic at all. There’s a lot of times when I thought to myself “I can’t take it anymore!”, “I give up!”… But somehow I still moved on. Somehow it’s like the more I hold on to it, the more I’m starting to see my own escapist mentality: feeling of wanting to disappear from the world. But from …

Just got my little red book today, called the “Malaysian Passport” :). As much I don’t think I’d travel much (let alone overseas), but probably would be nice to go out once in a while. Think would go to Singapore at least once :).

Anyway, just find myself whining and whining and whining ^^||. Not really much to complain about, really. ^^|| (as in there aren’t really reasons for myself to whine apart from the problems that I brought to myself, really)

I’m in a complete financial wreck at the moment (and I pretty much did it knowingly), as if I’m making myself hard for a couple of months down the road (but honestly speaking I mean more to the fact that my splurge is going to eat into my saved travel expenses next …

Let’s see… that’d be getting my passport tomorrow, ask and make sure whether I got my income tax right and pay for it, cancel two cards…

Still having some problems in dealing with the anxiety I had when it comes to talk to people that I don’t know. Although in a way that my job sometimes requires me to do so, I tend to get so anxious about it that I’d rather avoid them and let others help me with it. rolls eyes Yeah, I know… it’s not really healthy, in a way: as if I see those customers/authorities were “scary”. Not really sure whether experience and exposing myself to more people would be any help, I don’t know, it just seems that I need some sort of …

What I thought would be a half day thing ends up taking up most of my time today.

Anyway, I took a half-day leave today to get my passport done, as well as getting my KWSP (equivalent to social security in the US?) online statement activated. And so I went to Wangsa Maju, which is pretty much a foreign place to me as I never that far up north before for the years I have been in Klang Valley. And, wanting to save some money and trusting that my research on buses were sufficient enough to know what route to take, I took the feeder bus as soon as I got down from the LRT.

Everything was smooth up to that point and I forgotten something important that had cost me an hour: I didn …

“Until now… my wish that my feelings would one day be reciprocated will come true… still remains…”

Pretty much I’m on my own most of the time, trying to figure things out on my own along the way. Not that I got used to it or anything… it’s more of the fact that I didn’t have much of a choice… or at least I’m not aware of any alternatives. As much as I would like it to be otherwise, I was in the belief that if the opportunity was not present, I can’t do much but to find where the opportunity or its alternatives lies.

“Running and resting, again and again, that’s how I’m living at the moment. Have I forgotten to stop not for the reason of …

I just mirrored my blog over to my web server, pretty much for my own reference only than anything. And at least I have a second blog or some sort in case LiveJournal decides to turn evil XD.

Anyway, I’m sort of revisiting the idea of reviving several sites of mine, seeing how my web server was being put into extreme disuse (and I’m paying for it! X(). Judging from my procrastination habits, I think it wouldn’t take off without much friction on my part. Haha :p, learning server-side scripting like PHP and doing web design is a lot of work, to be honest.

Well… let’s see how my enthusiasm goes. Baby steps would be nice enough :).

Well… at least the Malaysian version of Uncle Sam (i.e. the government)

Yup, it’s the first time I’m getting taxed and one of the most convenient things that we had now is e-Filing, which I can just fill up my file online and let the computer do most of the calculations.

Only problem? The bottom line O_O||. Apparently I was pretty much shocked seeing how much I was taxed, like… RM300? Which isn’t that much if you sort of think of it as around RM25 per month for the country’s welfare, but I didn’t expect tax WAS an expensive one time per annum cost. OUCH! And I’m in a very tight financial situation even with my remaining bonus coming in this month, luckily I do save a lot …

In the end, what I’m able give you… are the only things that I have. Therefore…