Kept for my personal reference:

From Osho Times Online: Your Answers Quetioned on Emotions - Will knowing where I was in my past life make it easier to follow the path?

The past exists nowhere. Many people write to me, “Give us methods so that we can remember our past lives.” What are you going to do? Even if you remember that you were Alexander the Great or Cleopatra, how is that going to help in any way? It will create more complications. You are already in such a mess!

That’s why nature closes the door every time you die. This is great compassion, otherwise you will be born mad. Remembering all your past lives you will be in such a state that it will be impossible for you to function at all, because your …

(23:42:32) Felix Leong: the issue remains that i’m unable to let my guard down (23:42:46) Felix Leong: and i was at the impression that i’m unable to do so

As for today I was focusing more on the preparation of my trip to Cambodia, also my virgin overseas trip :). I am very excited and yet at the same time being nervous about it, just didn’t feel all that in control and anxious that I didn’t prepared enough.

But for one thing is that my budget outflow is definitely getting out of control -_-||. But anyway, I rant that one several times before.

Got a couple of green backs, as I have read that Cambodia uses more US dollars than their own riels. But I got them in big denominations (specifically one fifty and one hundred dollar bill), I was like… damn I should have asked from some smaller change. But well, we’ll see how I’m able to take off from …

Been doing some computer cleanup during the weekends, so probably you’ll only see me soonest by tonight, if anything.

Other than that, I sort of wondered about my closeted behaviour, as in not acting and enforcing my own beliefs in the presence of others. Or in a way that I sort of slacked my own standards in some situations.

But anyway, I’ll leave it at that at the moment. I wondered why the necessity of courage when wanting to come in terms of ourselves (of forgiveness and acceptance). From a logical point of view, it just appeared to be that the thing that we thought to be as “myself” is more than one entity, which does not make any sense from that point of view.

Since when that complexity came into the picture …

Quite a coincidence today that I met and talk with a native Japanese tourist today. Just so it happened that I was waiting for the train to arrive and was flipping through my Japanese textbook and he sort of broke the ice with me. And it was pretty much the first time I actually converse in Japanese, although it’s like… with my very limited vocabulary and grammar practice, I actually spent more time trying to decipher what he’s trying to converse with me. Most of the Japanese coming out from my mouth are mostly broken Japanese anyway ^^|||. But we chatted throughout the journey and exchanged email addresses.

But it’s definitely a good experience to me, and I’d definitely want to improve my Japanese further to a point of fluency :). Hopefully that …

Just came back from my hometown, with the twin day holiday thanks to an overlap of Labours’ Day and Wesak Day (both are public holidays in Malaysia). So spent three days back home. Nothing during three days, just me idling.

Everything was getting so similar that nothing was really worth mentioning…

Somehow… the main things on my brain at the moment is still the concept of happiness and the very place that I’m standing now. Somehow I have been reading Honey and Clover and I found myself extremely immersed and touched by it. All the small and subtle feelings and expressions about unrequited love was captured with such essence that it strung my heartstrings many times. It really brings out the complexity about human emotions and relationships, and I greatly recommend it (especially starting …

Here’s the new artwork for 2007, which looked very different from my previous two avatars that I used (umm… at least the glasses design).

Although I am perfectly fine now, yet from time to time, I still missed you. Although it seemed that I have already disassociated that special feeling with you, but somehow there’s times when I still remembered that feeling when I’m by your side.

“Did things ever change?”, I wondered. There are times when I reached out into the thin air, hoping of getting hold of something.

No matter how time has passed, seemingly some things never fades away.

Was just being by your side good enough, even though I’d never reach to you…? Somehow at the moment I just feel grateful that it had lasted a little while longer.

Until the day comes, I can only continue to pray that I will still continue to grow along my journey… that’s all to it.

Seemed that all the stuff that I’m striving for is part of my own construction plan of my world. But honestly speaking I’m pretty much living in one myself. ^-^||

I don’t know, it just seemed that most of my time I’m either wandering around in my thoughts or that I gaze over beautiful scenery that surrounds me. But rarely humans (yes, the collective noun) was my point of concentration, except those within the 20m perimeter that would prevent me from some embarrassing bumping. But I didn’t really take much notice on them, really.

Honestly the only time when I really paid attention to humans (damn it’s starting to sound very… err, dehumanizing? XD) is when I was engaged with them in some way, usually due to the need of …

I definitely had screwed up this month’s expenses and budgets, I barely had any money left for my Cambodia trip next month -_-||. Well… not that I didn’t had my savings though, just knowing the fact that my indulgence for J-Pop for the month has pretty much effectively eating into my savings was not all of a nice thought ^^||.

But from the looks of it, it’s just inevitable that I’d end up digging into my savings. Guess that’s the payment of the lesson that I’m going to learn about budgeting: Great discipline necessary. But it’s just a small dent and I can cover it up provided that I don’t buy too much stuff for the next two months.

Other than that, I was on an “unexpected” day …