一直以来，都以为很努力的去守护着…

因为害怕失去，所以很努力地慢慢地建立保护自己觉得重要的东西的防范。若是有一天可以安心的让它飞翔的那刻，或许自己也可以放下一切，感觉到无限的喜悦吧…

但是，需要守护的东西太多，更加知道失去是一个无法避免否认的可能性。需要无限的精力与时间，对人来说，是一个不可能的条件…吧？在有限的精神，好多时候也忘记了…自己也是需要被守护的东西。

…若是真的是这样，真的…行吗…？

Artwork inspired by my previous Emo Log entry and the original Aesop tale

Seemed that I’m starting to notice the importance of “focus”: the key driving element of completing or achieving something. Pretty much more obvious with my studies on the Japanese language itself, it seemed that a vast improvement is possible because most of my free time was dedicated solely on my own studies.

Contrasting it with my short-lived learning attempts (on various things) in the past, it just seemed that I pretty much dabble on several stuff at once, which in the end not even one skill was realized at all. Mainly due to the fact that when concentration was divided into several tanks, it drains my own motivation very quickly as I find myself either losing interest or that being neglected when things gets overwhelming, especially when it comes to work. Now that I …

好多时候，总是被记忆所束缚着。就像只懂得望着葡萄的狐狸一样，只能够想象那摘不到的葡萄的味道…

到自己放弃埋怨的那时候，自己会不会看起来很傻，很可笑？

It’s been a few weeks ever since I reattempted my Japanese self-learning, which goes pretty well considering that I’m still on it right now. And the one thing I noticed is that workbooks are a MUST in learning languages, especially in my case that learning the language without some sort of a tutor or practice partner. Somehow watching anime and doing exercises on the workbook is the only interaction that I had with the language, guess in a way that’s the key support for motivating myself to continue: In the past, I just go through the books without any real hand-ons on the language, which can get pretty dull and boring after a while. And no, listening to J-Pop isn’t much great motivator because as a form of communication medium, songs …

Here’s a few that I used as my MSN handle but didn’t bothered to post until now:

选择性喜欢，或许这就是人的天性吧…

Liking something by choice, maybe that’s how humans are…

[幸福的定义] 或许自己只懂得埋怨别人一定比自己幸福

[Definition of happiness] Maybe I only knew how to complain how others are happier than myself

[失恋] 人一定要尝受到“拒绝”才能够成长吗？

[Heartbreak] Does people really need to taste “rejection” in order to grow?

それだけ。

P/S: for those who didn’t notice, I won’t be doing translations for all posts that I write in Chinese or Japanese as it was time consuming and I think it’d be better to spend more time writing better posts. Now it’s going to be like… translation on my own whims and fancy? ^^||

Anyway, I’m planning to start a Japanese blog some time soon …

Sort of reminds me, the question of the day: How much one needs to know about the others around him/her? This question came to mind when mom called just now.

OK, time for me to head to bed.

Doing some quick math today, it just seemed that it’s going to be a hardship if I were to really go ahead with my house hunting plans soon. It’s like, once I had all the numbers crunched by those free online mortgage calculators, it’s going to be a really big chunk from my present salary, not to mention it’s a individual feat (i.e. I’m not sharing the cost with the significant half… as if I had one anyway). And starting to look into the details of the extra expenses in case I move into that dream home of mine (read: bills and maintenance),

So, with my present expenses and my increment forecast, more realistically it can only happen at mid-2008/9? Definitely not this year, that’s what I …

到底是几时开始，觉得眼前的世界开始失去了色彩？

或许自己开始没有了“期望”的东西吗，还是自己开始失去了“希望”？

Lots of noise passing through me, unable to make any sound judgement without cooling myself down: Anguish, anger, aggression, pain, conflict, confusion…

Starting to see behind some habits that I’m having. Starting to see that a lot of things that I’m asking for was an extremely daunting task for a human. Thinking about it, even suppression can be a form of avoidance in facing a problem.

Come to think about it, it just seemed that no matter how much I rested, so long as the problems that I had remains unsolved, my energies will still get drained away quickly. So it’s still come backs to the fight and flight issue.

At the moment the key frustration of mine is my need for space: space for growth and space to move around. In …