有些时候，觉得似乎已经到了自己的极限。

拼命了，自己以为可以只需付出一些努力，就可以达到自己想要的东西。

但，似乎有时想法和真正的代价有多少代沟吧。有时觉得艰难的东西轻而易举，有时自信必得的东西却徒劳无功。

自己也不知不觉的让自己有了钻了牛角尖的性格。

悲观起来，觉得世界是何等残酷：虽知事实并非如此，心中的不甘也累计得太多，就怎样都很想发泄。

那些时候，那假扮坚强的脆弱，也无法聪明的隐瞒：开始逃避，开始会让自己分心不去面对。

…就演变成每天睡醒时，就觉得一天的生活只有那么有限，那么一丁点儿的精力…

若人有自己想要的东西，甘愿付出的代价会是多少？真正需要的牺牲是多少？而自己的本事到底有多少？

到现在还是对人生充满了迷惘，自己活着的原因依然是模糊：度过着患得患失的人生。

…回想起来，当时纯真的时代，我会怎么想呢…？

With our perception and knowledge only capable to be expanded in a finite space, my thoughts and beliefs of “infinity” is nothing more than just a hypothesis in the plane of thoughts.

If the concept of “infinite” is true, then how shall one be able to reach the state of complete boundlessness?

- A question that wasn’t a question -

Recently felt as if I’m constantly toeing the line on several things that concerns with interaction with other people. Holding myself back, if I were to put it another way. As much when it comes to dealing with people, usually it’s always a give and take scenario in finding a win-win scenario between both parties, however, when it comes to the “giving in” part, sometimes I just felt having difficulty in finding the justifiable degree of giving in actually. Well… honestly speaking, there’s things that I don’t mind compromising and there’s things that I’m extremely stubborn about. (always in the extreme ends but never in-between?)

However, a lot of times when I personally finding difficulty in convincing people, I’d rather give in than putting up a fight. Especially …

Just a shopping list (more like a want list) to remind myself:

• New pair of specs or contact lens, either one of the two (Done: August)
• A couple of working shirts and slacks, planning to get those iron-free ones (Project: December; shirts bought @ November)
• A new and comfortable pair of leather shoes (Done: September)
• Two to four extra shirts for next year’s CNY (Done: New Year’s eve)
• (Want) Sony Ericsson K320i, probably I’d go for this model for its affordability and just-enough-functions that I need. Currently priced at RM400, hope I can get it cheaper somehow
• (Want) Nintendo DS Lite bundled with two games, one of them being FF3. That’d be a big bang out of my wallet so not sure whether I prefer to postpone it or not
• (Want) Attempt …

Just a plug to those who knew or interested about the previous tech blog that I had: The Digital Blue Wave is back to its second home at Blogger. Originally it’s going to be hosted at my personal web space but I sort of became lazy, so there you are.

Will be create a custom CSS theme for it, but probably I might as well keep it as simple as possible.

And yeah, most likely my Japanese blog would be hosted there as well so that I can share the CSS somehow.

These few days I have pretty much tapped my mental financial calculators with great intensity, attempting to formulate a fail-safe plan (the holy grail?) which might be bring myself to “financial freedom”.

Thinking about it, I’m not even sure whether is it actually something extremely realistic (ala risk management) or is it just one form of escape to subdue my own insecurities. ^-^|| Let’s go into the topic of “financial freedom”, what does it mean by this “hip” terminology? At the moment, I interpret it as being able to sustain my own living plus some small luxuries (to fancy my whims?) for a predetermined amount of years even without a constant of inflow of active income (i.e. work).

Now, putting that definition in mind, now the fun starts: How many years of expenses …

Fulfilling one’s desire often has a price. Something has to be paid or sacrificed in order to have a chance to obtain something else: effort, time, comfort, dreams…

Throughout the journey, how many things that I have desired for? How many things I have sacrificed? How many times I have regretted? How many times I forget that whatever I had was once something that I had paid the price for…?

Why there’s are things that seemingly unattainable? Why emotions can sway so violently that blinds us in one way or the other? Why in the world does pain exists?

Being connected and interdependent with my own surroundings, decisions and actions often create that energy that causes ripples that we call as side effects.

Stand where I am now, an outer journey that connects …

At the moment, my Internet connection is still down and after almost a week it’s still not up. (if you did notice the timestamps of my recent posts and was fairly knowledgeable about my posting habits, you probably would have guessed it :))

Since I’m not at home during office hours, that makes it harder to make things work out (since it seemed that their technical team seemed to be more active during the day than at night… or do they only operate during working hours?).

Will be following up with them as closely as possible and hopefully I can get my connection back soon.

Luckily the Internet wasn’t that much of a life critical thing for me. But I certainly feel the pinch of trying to learn Japanese without an online dictionary …

人，是一个容易被迷惑的东西。

看出窗外，试图回想时间的变迁。以前觉得了解的人事物，稍没注意，回头一看似乎你又改变了。是吧！世界永远都是在改变，为没有改变的，是我们的记忆和自以为是的态度。

Just say that life’s sometimes a Rubik’s cube. At least I felt that that’s how I’m living my life at the moment.