Was currently reading Anthony Robbins’ Awakening the Giant Within.

And is currently steering my blog content towards a new yet still not clearly defined direction, but for certain is that I’m stopping Today’s Drifting Thoughts and Impromptu posts while I’m entering a phase of reprogramming myself. I definitely need a break and map out a new course in my own thinking and steer my life towards a future that I wanted to be.

Till then…

Finally got round to watch the anime :), at least the first season of it. Kind of funny that when the familiar style of artwork was shown, it’s just so J.C. Staff :p, but probably it seemed that I find myself watching quite a number of anime produced by them :).

Personally I like how they did the artwork and retained all the essence of the manga itself (except for most of the material of book 1 which seemed to be quite… erm… pointless. Even all the running gags are handled in a manner that makes it even funnier to watch it in action.

But, despite the fact that I find the pacing to be just right, I still find it too fast to cause a tear jerking impact to me ^^||. Probably also because it …

Lot of things going on in life but yet I find myself not finding them significant enough to bother jotting down about them, mainly as all my energies were focused in getting my work done.

Generally have been wondering and pondering about stuff again, mainly trying to bring the same topics that I have been debating in my brain for so long which the only thing that was never done is to muster all courage to make a stand and take any actions/plans to change if necessary.

Something that I have been putting a slow pace on actually.

My judgment day is today, and from tomorrow onwards I will not be able to see him most of the time anymore. But honestly speaking after all these months I healed myself off pretty soon, transitioned …

The lack of updates contributed by Nodame Cantabile J-Drama and Ys VI: The Ark of Napishtim :p. But generally my sleep patterns are completely disrupted: Addiction or stress relieve? I wonder…. ^^||

But anyway, CNY had been pretty dull, in a way. Part of it because of the apparent lack of festive mood in both my hometown and KL, and the other being me sort of feeling some sort of distance among my old class/schoolmates. Not really distance per se, but just apparent that the difference in environment and a long separation requires some ice-breaking which I didn’t really bothered to attempt. Laziness? Shyness? Or plain indifference?

Somehow I just felt that the path that I chose to take seemed so unclear to me that I wondered what had I actually chose and the …

As usual, will be back to my hometown from 6 - 12 February, no Internet access from home = probably less/no updates :).

Depending on whether there’s anything interesting going on, I may report my progress when I was back home to meet up with relatives, long lost friends and classmates. But highly likely that a drifting thoughts post or two will become a staple with an idle brain :p.

Anyway, to those who celebrate it, happy Chinese New Year! 😊

How shall one would feel getting such attention, as in being looked up to? Hmm… actually it’s quite a blend of emotions actually. In a way, from the eyes of others, it seemed that you have reached a certain stage in life that they viewed as being successful. Behind the pride gained from such attention, yet it is also capable in exposing the empty shell within myself. Afterall, only I know what kind of challenges and problems that I’m facing currently and probably as well as some inferiority complex when I find myself comparing myself to others and my own goals.

Looking at myself in the past, when such attention gained, I always find myself trying to sabotage myself and do something stupid that makes me tumble down a little.

Come to think …

Got my hair dyed for CNY again :), I bought a beige colour dye which I fully expect to turn to be like a slightly dark brownish colour later on and ends up pretty close to the colour of my current LJ avatar… at least in the following photo:

Of course, photography is always at the mercy of lousy indoor lighting :p. Under sunlight it looked more like a brownish colour with beige undertones. But probably that just me.

I still had enough left for a second application, probably it’d turn out to be much lighter next time round :).

I think to find songs that would be the current theme song of my life, currently seemed like there were three 😛

• (Pop/Rock?) Marionette / 浜崎あゆみ
• (Rock) talkin’ to myself / 浜崎あゆみ
• (Pop) Keep tryin’ / 宇多田ヒカル (sudden discovery after noted by maryadavies, despite the fact I do had that album for a long time)
• (R&B House) ESCAPE / MISIA

Usually those warrants me to post up lyrics and translations (copied from other sites, although :p), but I think that could be easily google’d (perhaps finding translation for ESCAPE might be a bit difficult), so I didn’t bothered :p.

there’s times,
when one is almost inconsolable
engulfing heart throbs
a strong pain from within

looking up at the stars
with teary eyes
alone on the street
a sense of loneliness from within

reaching out of a mirage of you
a close smiling face that
could never be reached
a painful yearning from within

calling out your name
only echoes of my own helplessness
rings back to me
who’s going to answer back to me?

oh, wishing star
where could you be
at this moment of complete despair?
a darkness that cannot be dispelled
by millions of stars far away

was becoming strong
the only answer to continue on?
yet i felt as if hope alone
will never be a float
keeping me from drowning

despite a pride
that will never accept
yet …

I think this has been one of the most common themes that I have put it in my LJ, things when I come to analyze what is the truth. Many times when things were either thought logically or perhaps put into perspective, some things that we take for granted that it is is actually isn’t, yet once you understood a little bit more about it, it is again; then there’s times you found new evidence that raises doubt, you doubt that it is anymore.

Ah! The fickleness of the mind.

And the thing is that subjectivity will never will be objective: the multitude of perspectives derived from myriads of experiences of different people make common terms of emotions having subtle differences beneath all similarity that was touted to be. It’s almost like …