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'My Pet Swan…' photo (c) 2011, Adriane Dizon - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/

You probably wouldn’t know this as I’m not able to bring myself to say it: that you mean everything to me since I felt the rush upon knowing you. In due course of time, I still find myself fixated over you despite the fact that I know I need you more than you’ll ever need me.

Maybe it’s just me seeing you as perfect the way you are, even with all the flaws and quirks. In a way that Bruno Mars struck an emotional chord in me when he sings his songs.

You have such honesty shining through in your words, your eyes and your expressions – so beautiful that I’ll try to capture them with my own eyes when I get every silver of a chance. Noticing even the slightest hint of a smile and frown on your face, leaving me trying to grasp the subtle traces and to wonder how’s your life have been.

From time to time, it does make my heart ache when I sensed some hurt and pain in your eyes or your voice. Is it real or am I imagining things? Up until now, I don’t really dared to ask to confirm or deny what I’m perceiving – as I thought that I’m in no place or position to delve into your personal matters.

… or maybe I prefer to step back, knowing that there’s someone you really like by your side – and letting her to take the supportive role that I wish I’m able to fill in. Maybe it’s just me: thinking that I’m probably asking too much to keep you by my side – like Elphaba singing under the rain, with an overwhelming cast of ambivalence above my head showering over me.

For now, I’m just trying my best to keep myself to experience the present in two sense of the word: being in the present moment when I’m with you; and fully soaking in the ecstasy from your being, which I think of it as a present received.