Seeing “You” Again

How long has it been that I had first set eyes on you? Five years ago, perhaps? Remembering brings the bittersweet feeling of what’s not meant to be. Hence I always only been able to see you from afar no matter how close I am right next to you.

Your kindness is one that I couldn’t repay as much I’d love to shower you with gratitude million times over.

A passion unrequited is a life that I’ve gotten used to. Hence I’ve learned how to move on without you, letting the sorrows fade away while the rosy images of you remained framed in my heart.

Five years later, in the present, I met “you” again. It’s not the same you I’ve met before, but everything that I know intimately about you is right in front of me all over again: The way “you” look, the way “you” talk, the way “you” act… everything just resembles the way you are as my faded memories remembered it.

It’s a peculiar improbability happening right before my eyes that I question whether such an eerie resemblance could possibly exists. Would that even be possible? Perhaps it’s just my delusions that I projected my memories on you and I’m seeing the illusions that I wanted to see, craving a dream that I wanted to experience.

And the next thing I know, I found myself smitten over “you”. I couldn’t help myself.

With it, I also felt a fear – an uncertainty: from my brief conversation with “you”, I couldn’t really tell whether I’d even stand a chance in the first place. I’m afraid that to go through yet another cycle of it’s never meant to be again.

Therefore, I may not be able to be truthful to you in the deeper sense of the word: for now, I have to bottle my truest word in, sealed with a cork. Seeing you afar, no matter how close you really are. A pathetic attempt to procrastinate the inevitable.

I close my eyes, sinking into slumber, with many questions wandering in the sea of subconscious…

“… what am I supposed to do…?”