Reflecting back of all the unrequited relationships that I had in the past, this dawned upon me:
In some relationships, I made the mistake of offering you the past: my charming persona, my credentials, why I am worthy for you. The problem is that the past also have its baggage: the wounds, the scars, the burdens. Not everyone likes to carry the weight of someone else’s issues while they have their plates full. Hence I can only appeal to their logical side, and the risk/reward ratio is not high enough for them to qualify me.
In some relationships, I made the mistake of offering you the future: the vows, the promises, the bright road ahead together. I can write great poems and sing great songs from such a space. It’s certainly way better than the past: it appeals to your emotions. Then the problem that brews beneath such graceful songs is that I conceded my control over to you: my happiness becomes too dependent on the possibility of “getting” you to be with me. I become too emotional, too clingy, too needy. With such ephemeral promises that goes together with raging tides and fluctuating flows, let’s just say that it’s probably too much for some to bear. (and the risk/reward ratio kicks in again and yet again they find it unsatisfying for them to qualify me)
After a long journey in life and coping with the heartbreaking experience, all I had is a hypothesis that I’d need to find out: that all I have to offer to you is my present. Acknowledging that our time together is fleeting and the most I could do is to nourish the relationship with every single interaction I engage with you.
To acknowledge the only way I’m able to give everything I had to you in an unconditional way is by not calculating the cost I’ve acquired it in the past and the potential rewards I could reap in the future, and that I’m only able to offer what I possessed in the present moment: be it something physical, emotional or my personality as it is now.
Only with a complete surrender and without clinginess of the outcomes that may be, I’ll able to accept that courting is merely a process and not to be taken personally. Only then that I’m able to learn the lessons from every unrequited love and enrich my soul. Only then the wines of my being is able to ferment with age and experience, so that every single day, it’ll be sweeter to whomever who’s willing to receive it.
With that thought in mind, my journey continues.