Sometimes, it’s not the big decisions or events that would create an impact. There’s times when little things would completely turn your viewpoint completely.
This time, all I did was reflecting back myself and was made aware of my own immaturities and rash actions/decisions.
There has been a saying that rings true in this case “Experience is what you get from your mistakes”. There’s many things that can only be learnt from my own blunders and weaknesses, there’s times I find myself causing hurt and pain to others and only to realize later the damage I had done.
It’s already not about whether I’m being right or wrong - it’s about whether I’m doing the right things right. And often it’s an art that needs to be learnt from the school of hard knocks: the art of awareness of one’s thoughts, surroundings, situations and appropriate evaluation of potential effects that will be caused by each potential action taken.
I think the theme of this stage of life (personally I’m starting to look at it as a transition phase to my next chapter in life) is all about humbling myself and learning the art of taking mistakes: to learn how to be less concerned about success and failure, how to take these mistakes in a more positive manner (i.e. not to take them personally) and how to identify and adapt to the lessons that I have attained from them.
Awareness, diplomacy, self-acceptance and social skills are the key areas that I identified that requires more attention this time round. With the change of a new environment, whatever that I was to get by through some means or the other doesn’t hold that true anymore: when you face a new game with a completely different set of rules, you just have to play it differently.
I sort of felt like a rookie again, to be honest. And having a completely different set of expectations felt like a wall of challenge that I’m facing difficulties to overcome. The self-doubt, anxiety, worry, dejections and frustrations are part and parcel of that lowest valley during the starting phases.
It’s not something that easy to bear, to be honest. But yet I know that this is exactly the time to focus my energies to pick myself together and sort things out: setting a course of actions that reflects the present realities and making crucial decisions. At times, that also requires me to make sacrifices and understanding the price to pay for certain decisions and actions: be it something that has been done and/or needs to be done in the present and future.
“The path to a world of riches are not for wimps.”
The main question for now is that I realise that the very barrier I needed to overcome is myself… what are the small steps that I can take…?
P/S: I’m now trying to make it a habit to use the personal pronoun “I” when I’m typing drifting thoughts posts. I sort of noticed that I tend to use the second-person pronoun “you” most of the time in these posts… and to be honest I felt that way of writing probably that sort of took away the some of the seriousness and personal responsibility towards achieving self betterment.
Probably that has been holding me back in my own pursuits. When I shrink my personal responsibility towards my own actions, there wouldn’t be of any strong initiative to initiate change in myself.
Till then, I will continue to toughen up and fight my own battles… and at the same time facing the consequences of my past doings and facing the person that I really am. I foresee that I’ll continue to experience many bitter pills in life, and more often than not that requires me to disarm my own ego and pride (something easy to say and requires effort to execute).
“It’s all about playing the game to win; not avoiding losses.”
I’m very sure that will be the baby steps that would raise me further up towards self actualization.
Wish me luck!