Today’s Drifting Thoughts: Melodramatic Melancholy

“with limited sight, one can only have faith and work his way towards his vision”

Once upon a time, I felt completely in a loss of direction in life — and that marked the beginning of my journey, where “In Hues of Blue” was all started from. Throughout the four years which I religiously marked my journey, the world seemed to slowly unfold of me: presenting me with a new world of challenges and opportunities beyond my small gray universe.

Four years has since passed, to think that how much I have progressed since then… all of a sudden all these feelings that I experienced before gushed back into me again.

“Reprise (noun): A return to a original theme.”

When I thought I have grown up, more often than not there’ll be experiences which would test such self-perceptions. Albeit many times knowing very well the important things and lessons in life, yet things that I know doesn’t really mean that it’s (or has became) part of myself.

“With so many things going on, attending myself to the many pursuits in life. Like fireworks in the sky

Once tired, I stood still When everything’s still and darkness seeps in There I am lost again”

Losing sight and directions in life may seemed trivial to some, but to those who knows well can agree this psychological fear, despite in theory we know may be unfounded, can feel really real. It’s sort of beyond words really, and to have a pristine sense of being able to distinguish what’s true or not and a unwavering faith to live whatever may are really the greatest gift that can be bestowed to any human being.

“The paradise of riches is not for wimps.”

To think about it, I have been wanting to post this entry for quite a while really - but unable to find a way to describe the feeling. It’s sort of by chance I found myself lost in the city this afternoon that I found my perfect analogy to how I’m feeling now:

“It feels like you have been convinced to take the highway… and to only realize halfway how lonely it can be when you are the only one walking”

And no kidding, I really had walked along the highway to be able write this: it’s sort of like a revelation when I least expect it ^^||.

From time to time… I always forget when should I let my impatience rest. Granted, able to see the infinite multitude of possibilities in life is a gift. However, without focus and strong character, I personally find myself pursuing possibilities to a point that I wear myself out before even manage to get a strong foothold onto any progress and success. A good analogy would be that possibilities could either be real treasure and gems and lots of leprechaun’s gold, and it takes focus and strong character to distinguish the difference and able to take effective action in getting the real gold.

“…Now, knowing that being able to see everything through isn’t enough… what should I do…?”

Being able to review my behavioral pattern, ultimately my journey should continue and at the same time I must make sure that I constantly build up focus and character along the way. And seeing where I have been, where I am now and the best role models that I aspire myself to be… I am having good progress and there’s still a long way to go :). One thing that’s certain is that I acknowledge that I had miss my mark from time to time, being lost and took detours along the way, and I shall make sure I continue with my habit of review these turns in life and learn something from them: which is the whole purpose of this journal in the first place - for me to continue to record my experience, feelings and thoughts so that I’m capable to look back should I forget.