Emo Log: He is yet he is not

Seh Hui Leong


Been having such feelings these days: the feeling that he is yet he is not. Wanting him to take part in a bigger part in my life and yet it comes with its full set of challenges: unmet expectations, disappointments, misunderstanding, the realities that goes against one’s will — things that just passion alone can’t provide a strong motivation to pursue a deeper relationship.

In a way, I wished that it is possible to hit right off the bat and everything will go smoothly (or at least that I felt that I was in control most of the time). Sometimes I just tend to expecting things to be a bed of roses although I know perfectly well the roses doesn’t come without it’s thorns. And knowing even well that things goes both ways, I can’t be that perfect bed of roses either.

At the moment, as in the title, he is yet he is not. Although having a crush on him and a growing attraction, I’m pretty unsure of the possibilities of it happening and the possibilities it will bring.

But I would have to admit that having two “perfect” crushes (i.e. they were just “right” for me, at least from a logical standpoint with personality traits that I desired) does had an effect on my current views. So now it’s a brand new lesson for me to learn from this crush, I guess.

Guess that’s something I have to figure out and experience myself.

Written by

Seh Hui Leong

Python programmer by trade, interested in a broad range of creative fields: illustrating, game design, writing, choreography and most recently building physical things. Described by a friend as a modern renaissance man.