Today’s Drifting Thoughts: 絶対に負けないで!

Seemed that I’m starting to notice the importance of “focus”: the key driving element of completing or achieving something. Pretty much more obvious with my studies on the Japanese language itself, it seemed that a vast improvement is possible because most of my free time was dedicated solely on my own studies.

Contrasting it with my short-lived learning attempts (on various things) in the past, it just seemed that I pretty much dabble on several stuff at once, which in the end not even one skill was realized at all. Mainly due to the fact that when concentration was divided into several tanks, it drains my own motivation very quickly as I find myself either losing interest or that being neglected when things gets overwhelming, especially when it comes to work. Now that I only dedicated myself to my Japanese learning efforts, it’s more like there’s a very distinctive goals when it comes to organizing my time: either I was working (which is necessary for the support of my survival) or that I study my Japanese when I wanted to be productive during my free time at home.

It’s not equivalent to not having fun at all, after all, I don’t think I’d be happy without entertainment. Just that it’s much easier to motivate myself into working on something when the focus is there.

So at the time being, as much as I felt that I can do more, I have to put most of my other plans into the back burner for a while. Well… in a way, actually there’s no rush in attaining or completing everything that I have set out to do. It’s like… as soon I can get a hold on something first and knowing that I don’t have to put in that much effort in maintaining something, then that’s a good time for me to proceed to something else that I wanted to do.

Realistically speaking, learning a new language requires more time and rigorous effort (compared to other things like designing websites or developing a new software or some sort), I probably have to expect that my Japanese will take from 6 months to more than a year. Probably I can kick myself in into doing something extra in the middle of it, but I think with my beginner’s grasp of Japanese language, guess I really have to keep myself completely focused on what I’m learning for a few more months until I can manage to yield the skill with some ease.

On another subject, ever had admired someone very much due to the fact that that person had achieved whatever that you wished to achieve all this while? At the moment it just happened so coincidentally that one particular person who exactly mirrors whatever that I had desired for for myself. From personality traits to physical possessions to professional skills, he just… well… attained what I have wanted to attain so badly, at least things that can be seen or felt from the outset.

Is it the very reason I fall for him so badly? Probably. Or thinking from another perspective, I hate falling behind as well… so in a way, probably all this while I wanted to get hold him so badly so that both of us can be on the same plane? Well… that I’m not all that sure, really ^^||. Somehow I’m at the moment keep reminding myself that “I can’t be him” and that “only admiring/feeling envious towards whatever good things that others have is not going to make myself moving forward”… which in a way was quotes that I’m still unable to understand fully in its own essence (i.e. to me, it’s still like advice in plain talk which has no deep basis in supporting and having it rooted in my being).

… For one thing… I can’t “have” him because love is not about possessing people like things, therefore if the two way street is not established in an unique sense, I have to accept the boundaries that has been set between us. (or in plain terms, just feel great gratitude that he is a friend) This is also something that I have yet to accept it fully actually…

Anyway, that’s all I have to say at the moment. Till next time.