Emo Log: ノイズ [Noize]

Lots of noise passing through me, unable to make any sound judgement without cooling myself down: Anguish, anger, aggression, pain, conflict, confusion…

Starting to see behind some habits that I’m having. Starting to see that a lot of things that I’m asking for was an extremely daunting task for a human. Thinking about it, even suppression can be a form of avoidance in facing a problem.

Come to think about it, it just seemed that no matter how much I rested, so long as the problems that I had remains unsolved, my energies will still get drained away quickly. So it’s still come backs to the fight and flight issue.

At the moment the key frustration of mine is my need for space: space for growth and space to move around. In (my) ideal world, the world should be more of a sandbox which I can start fiddling with concepts and consequently build up to form something of a bigger scale. At for now, I didn’t had that space, or I thought was the case. Somehow I just needed some creative freedom over my work, I suppose… or perhaps I just needed that sense of progress when I’m doing my work. Or even working on something that really excites me. So far that’s the sensation that I’m lacking: right now it felt more like crossing away my never ending and boring to-do list, which does gets very, very tiring indeed.

And not having enough support pillars wasn’t really helping to improve the situation… sometime I just felt tired having to carry out all the work on my own.

Somehow was feeling lost at the moment (happens all the time, doesn’t it?), yet while I’m finding that path I still have to sort out the stuff around me. Guess that’s the situation I’m in, I think.