Today’s Drifting Thoughts: Unsure
Until now, I always say to myself and mentioning to others (when asked) that all my present thoughts and philosophies are mostly just my own Utopian hypothesis rather than experience, and hence don’t really vouch/rely on them. Somehow I sensed and aware of the potential yet reaching them is another matter, and through lots of failures in life there’s quite a lot of time when I doubt myself: wanting to give up halfway. But what “halfway” really means? For one thing there’s no way of being certain of where the end is unless: 1. it’s a line which we have drawn upon in our own perception, which may or may not be the truth, 2. it’s a dead end.
Did wonder whether I’m getting a bit overzealous with the “how to determine what is really the truth?” question.
… Anyway… currently still putting love and sex under the microscope at the moment (if that’s a good way of saying that I’m trying to become more aware with myself when it comes to those matters). Umm… not really “love” per se, to be honest; it’s more like being aware of myself being “attracted towards someone”, and that what really qualifies it for me to say that it is “love”. Somehow I’m some sort of tinkering the idea within myself and performing some experiments by responding differently… well, sort of, I think. I think most likely I don’t really know about “love”, in many (if not all) aspects. Somehow my current observation seemingly shows strong connections with the “sex” component: the biological (and probably causing the emotional chain reaction?) attraction.Or is there something that I’m able to notice in my own “possessive” nature?
I don’t know… sometimes I did worry myself that I won’t be able to meet someone who, by his presence and interaction, opens the door of understanding about love (one of my hypothesis, apparently: which probably signify that I don’t know where to find “love” within myself… and hence not capable to “love”). This is one of the main issues and questions that I’m facing at the moment.
… that’s all to it at the moment, I suppose?
Written by
Seh Hui Leong
Python programmer by trade, interested in a broad range of creative fields: illustrating, game design, writing, choreography and most recently building physical things. Described by a friend as a modern renaissance man.