Filling In + Emo Log: Getting What I Want

Seh Hui Leong


Just filling in some blanks: I was attending a very boring dinner for MMU’s 10th anniversary on Saturday and attended Seng Yaw’s (my colleague’s) wedding on Sunday and Monday. I stayed over at Eng Lee’s place together with Jenn Yeh and Seck Min so that pretty much explains why I wasn’t updating (or more like the reason for me not going on the Internet is because we spent time playing DotA instead :p). Pretty much I was in a photographing spree during the whole procession but it just seemed to me that wedding ceremonies (and add to the injury, Chinese traditional type) are just plain tiring X_X. With all the hustle and bustle around, probably those who felt happy were the only ones who would enjoy it… at least that’s what I think.

Now coming back to today, I’m just pretty much in some sort of a lousy mood today. Getting all tensed up feeling as if the whole world owed me my own happiness and success, so to speak. Part of the reason being the fact that I’m feeling all self-conscious and inferior and getting (at least slightly) jealous with others as they had something that I wanted. In short I’m just being all emo and feeling as if life’s not being really fair to me, in a way. ^^||

Main reason of the agony? Well… I think I had a fixed idea of how my life should be, and in the end getting all frustrated as life just don’t go the way I would like it to be. Not really sure whether I should call this perseverance or stubbornness. More like the latter to me ^^||, and I do feel a bit inflexible when dealing with roadblocks in life. To me letting go is one of the hardest things for me to attempt as I find myself threading into emotional extremes as I perceived things as “all or none”.

Anyway, I was pretty much toying the idea of my own associations of the ideas of “desirable” and “undesirable” today. It’s funny that “perceptions” were really hard to grasp, I sort of unable to grasp that subtlety that link everything together as I find myself going back and forth between being a subject and being an observed object.

But for now I’m just too busy with my own chores and later sleeping things off. Heh… ^^||

Written by

Seh Hui Leong

Python programmer by trade, interested in a broad range of creative fields: illustrating, game design, writing, choreography and most recently building physical things. Described by a friend as a modern renaissance man.