Today’s Drifting Thoughts: Close to One Month

… and I’m still on the roller coaster ride ;___;.

There’s times that I feel myself that I’d rather be “dead”, but by “dead”… what does it really means? Knowing that being “dead” in the normal sense (physically or emotionally [as in soulless]) isn’t going to help, the true meaning of the word is pretty much unknown.

There’s times that I feel that it’s not “fair” to me… but what does it really mean by being “fair”? Is it because I felt that the amount of pain and agony was too much to me? If it’s a result of comparison, I would not be fair either as there’s no way for me to really know how much pain that others have to go through, let alone judging it.

There’s times when I feel “pessimistic, helpless, unmotivated and lethargic”… but are they things that I can’t do anything about it? What’s really missing in the equation, why am I still going round in circles? What’s preventing me from finding the answer?

The whole thing just makes me want to give up trying… but living in this world and being responsible to my own well being, that’s not an option at all. It’s almost like being between a rock and a hard place.

“Should I be able to be with you, will things be any different from what I’m experiencing now…?”

sigh Fallen in love is tough.