Today’s Drifting Thoughts: Running Away

“…As times passes by, everything will start to set in… and will eventually fade away into the open skies…”

As everything starts to unfold, it seems that it is inevitable… or probably the best thing for both of us, is to keep a distance between us, more of an emotional distance than a physical one, in a way. But at the same time… a void has been created within me as my daily routine was now changed. The opportunity for me to have him close to me for a full 30 minutes most of the time have pretty much been diminished… which is a big void which I don’t think I’ll be able to replace for a long time. Unless if there’s some sort of special development of events, of course, but I don’t want to bank on that chance.

“… those emotional attachments I used to know…”

Somehow I have been thinking… the reason why I kept on pursuing the things that I thought was important: financial freedom, love, spiritual attainment, fulfillment of physical and emotional pleasures, the balance between heart, body and soul…

Somehow it seemed that I sort of worked it out, in a way: “… I don’t want to come back again…”

Since when did I had that idea or thought? Probably some time ago, I guess, probably I’m pretty much unaware of it, or that I didn’t have much a clear idea on how to express it. The great desire of “the ultimate attainment and the complete detachment from this world”. Death? Escape? Enlightenment? There’s many ways to interpret this phrase to be honest. All this while, ever since a time when I can’t seem to remember, that was my real purpose behind the peripheral.

“… A sense of freedom that no one can ever take away…”

… Yet every attempt seems to have a great failure behind it, whether I manage to achieve it or not… which upon deep contemplation, everything was completely futile. It’s almost like chasing a dangling carrot in front of me which I will never reach… Am I missing something somewhere? What angle that I haven’t noticed which will eventually solve the whole puzzle?

“…”