Today’s Drifting Thoughts: Getting to Know Myself, Again and Again

“… Seemingly as if there’s no reason for me to stay, and yet at the same time there’s no reason for me to leave…”

Sounds like I’m stuck between a rock and hard place, isn’t it? Currently I’m just feeling a loss myself, searching for a resolve and yet not wanting to fill the empty void for the sake of filling it. Yes, to be honest I’m not used to having this kind of void within me, I can still feel the anguish and pain. But yet it’s not really something that you can label with absolute terms: judging whether it’s actually good or bad.

Somehow I notice that I’m hankering to find some sort of replacement to close up the void… Thinking about it now, it just made me wonder… “Why the rush to get or achieve something? Is it really something that I needed that will nourish my being or it’s just a reaction to avoid the issue: to find a painkiller, even it’s just a temporary relief?”

Somehow it does made me realise that I’m starting to lose touch with myself for quite some time, in some ways that I can’t actually explain. To be honest I’m completely clueless at the moment, it’s just like one tough homework to work it out. It’d have been convenient if I had a mentor or some sort, but I guess I have to figure it out on my own now. That’s the only thing I can do now, I guess.