Today’s Drifting Thoughts: Cloudy Day

Heavy clouds on my head just now for no apparent reason… or is it really without reason at all…?

It’s one of those days that I just felt like I’m sluggish, being left behind in a way or the other. Or just plainly frustrated that I didn’t get things my way, from one perspective?

I’m just plain confused now: is it that I’m feeling angry that I wasn’t given the things I wanted? Or is it I’m feeling angry with myself for not achieving something?

At times like this, I just felt impatient: to a point that deep down, I just wanted to rush there and grab whatever I wanted, without considering the situation and the people around. Just letting my own greed and desires to devour myself completely.

Well… at least that’s what going on my brain only. I don’t know, sometimes I really wondered whether I’m repressing this feeling in myself? Well… very likely, I suppose?

Sometimes a lot of sadness, anger, stress, jealousy and other emotions get pretty much in control, but it just seems that I forget to vent them out later on. Well… it really felt like I’m piling rubbish somewhere within and forgetting to take it out.

Thinking back what one of my friends said that I’m putting up a pretentious smile… I think I have been doing that for quite some time these days. Not really that I didn’t felt amused or happy when I smiled, just that… I’m felt very weighed down by my own thoughts and emotions…

Sometimes this fact that I’m not feeling emotionally well is just that hard to accept… and I’m still coping to acknowledge that feeling that I had.

…

Am I trying too hard…? Or am I hard on myself…? Probably I’m still seeking for an answer…