November 2005 - Put Onto The Test
“As hurtful as it seems, yet I knew very well that love is a freedom and not an imprisonment of oneself and others, especially the people we love a lot.” — November 1, 2005
“Is it an attachment of security? Or is it that I fear of the possibility of the worst possible scenario?” — November 11, 2005
“… Or is it that I fell in my own illusory world, that all my perceptions towards you is everything but the reality…?” — November 22, 2005
“幸福，就像空气一样，一直都是在你我身边。只能凭感觉和感受才能发现它的存在。” (Happiness is like air, always surrounds you and me. Only through our feeling and sense that we are able to notice its existence.) — November 25, 2005
Yet another silent month, not to mention that it’s my birth month as well.
Looking back, it’s really not some very life shaking compared to August and September as things are starting to fall in place. But I’m starting to notice my old habits in dealing with relationship issues are getting back at me. It really gave me a glimpse of my own fears and weakness, OK, probably NOT just only a glimpse. see parts of myself crumbling down
This month also have seen myself starting to explore about personal responsibility, at least fragments of it, as well as self awareness. The latter is pretty much influenced by Osho’s work, but during those times it really gave me a sense of empowerment. Well… although I admit that it’s much easier to be self aware during the high times than the times when I feel like I’m in the slumps.
In other news, I get computer crazy this month as I bought some Internet real estate off from Sze Hau, converting to Fedora Core 4 (read: Linux), getting a graphics tablet and a notebook hard drive casing, which does equates to a VERY serious cash outflow on my part.
And let’s not forget to mention the fun trip to Port Dickson as well! 😄 Really hope that we get to have more of these outings next time! 😄
December 2005 - An Ending Marks A New Beginning
“Saying that you are giving freedom to others is a sorry excuse of hiding the fact that you are imprisoning yourself.” — December 4, 2005
“Be aware — be responsible to what you are wishing for, because every wish is a change in life, and that you’ll never be the same anymore…” — December 5, 2005
“Maybe the question “How to live happily?” can be just answered by:
Open the door, get out there, and close the door.” — December 23, 2005
“Sometimes, even the simplest words, the simplest gestures can be the best, loving gift that one can receive.” — December 26, 2005
“Trivial as little things may be, every little thing has their significance.” — December 28, 2005
Hmm… also a month without much entries for myself to talk about. But here comes December: The final month of 2005 (I just SOOO have to say this :p).
But, saying so, honestly speaking, it is not that I forget to type entries during this month, but just that I don’t feel like writing entries during that month. Why? Well… Somehow there are some feelings and events which I find to be so repetitive and trivial that I really feel that there’s no point for people seeing me harping on the same issues again and again. So during those times, I say to myself “OK, why not just DEAL with it instead?”. And so I did. But apparently I didn’t see the effect of that. Well, probably that can only be seen in months to come, I suppose?
So at those times, I try to keep my entries as short as possible, and only type long ones as necessary. And so that pretty much sets the format of my LJ during that time.
Looking back, it’s really a time when my emotions and feelings are much more raw than processed… well, more half-done than raw, actually. But saying so, I get more unconscious mood flings from time to time, it’s only until I reviewed it now that I noticed this. So… ^-^|||| I really have to work on that one.
But generally, it has been a very fun month :): Vivian’s wedding, Christmas celebration in the office and the karaoke lounge, getting broadband at home…
And later on, at the end of the month: The yearly review :).
Phew… I’m done :).