Today’s Drifting Thoughts: Of Relationship

Allen says: it may sound harsh and unfair…(me myself are not able to accept that too) letting go mean love him, let him happy makes u happy

Felix says: that’s probably the hardest lesson

Allen says: but still i’ll keep question that “y i can ever deserve him, i have needs too, what did i ever do wrong?”
Allen says: but still there’s 2 answer found “he’s str8” and “there’s no answer for it”
Allen says: “let my true feelings and love go and settle for substitute that i barely feel as strong as him? y is it so unfair?”

Felix says: ah… isn’t that familiar?

Allen says: slowly becomes “if i have to let go…i guess i think substitute way to love him for myself is to let him be but i have to keep close contact and nears him as possible”

Felix says: mhmm…

Allen says: then becomes overcared scary friend and emotional mood swing friend (infact that we got really jealous when he got a gf friend and we see him less)

Felix says: heh heh ^^”

Allen says: i guess what us gay always feels for real str8 man that so perfect for us that a “pathetic love” that we satisfy ourself

Felix says: so in a way that we are actually serving a “pathetic illusion” to ourselves to convince that we are indeed pathetic?

Allen says: yeah logically

Felix says: it does sound easier for us to serve ourselves with self-made lies and illusion than to face reality
Felix says: probably that what makes us think that something is harder than it seems

Allen says: well mentallity it’s just can say sugar coat tools to get thru reality just that because of that, we cant get thru the reality instead we stuck there forever
Allen says: until we had to face the ugly truth
Allen says: then we reli truely let go
Allen says: by that time…mostly we have ebuff sogar that lessen the pain abit
Allen says: but by that time is what,,,3 yrs? 5 yrs?

Felix says: ebuff sogar?

Allen says: enuff sugar

Allen says: LOL
Allen says: we had blinded by the sugar and the potential partner has sliped away